thankful for God's infinite mercy

i'm just amazed at how merciful and forgiving God is.
something happened to me a while ago..
the whole day, God was blessing me in so many ways..i felt so close to Him.. i found it easier than usual to resist sin.. at one point, i went into a church and prayed a bit before the Blessed Sacrament, and it was so amazing because i could literally feel His presence there.. i didn't want to leave.
and then near the evening, i had such a great quiet time with Jesus.
but then.. somehow it happened that i sinned. i sinned deliberately, with my consent, knowing that it would hurt God, but still doing it. and with full knowledge. so that means i commmitted a mortal sin. i put myself above God, even though He had showed me so much love that day.
right afterwards.. i was hit with the realization of what i had done, and how much i had hurt God. i don't think i always realize what my sins do to God.. but that day i did. i think He wanted to show me. it was so painful, i just kept on crying.. i don't know how long i cried. it really felt like hell. i just kept on asking Him to forgive me, and promised i'd confess this as soon as i'm catholic..
oki to be honest i didn't believe He would forgive me. i completely lost hope that evening. my sin just looked too big! i forgot that His mercy is greater than our sins and greater than the sins of the entire world.. i forgot that He endured so much pain on the Cross so that we could be forgiven..

but then.. suddenly.. i just KNEW that God wants to forgive me and wants to show me mercy. i felt Him tell me so clearly that He forgives me. i couldn't believe it. in fact i kept on asking Him for forgiveness after this because i couldn't understand how this could be. but..He showed me again that i was forgiven, and took the sense of guilt away. now, i know that i'll have to confess this sin to the priest, as i promised i would, and honestly i can't wait for the day it will be gone forever..but i think that today, God gave me real contrition..i read somewhere that mortal sins could be forgiven without confession if you're given perfect contrition, i don't know if mine was perfect or not but.. it definitely did not come from myself. and by giving me contrition and allowing me to repent, He showed me mercy!! WOW... i almost can't believe that i could hurt Jesus SO much, after He was so kind and loving, and He would take me back. i felt like the prodigal son. (daughter ;))

what this experience taught me, and the reason why i'm writing about it here, is this:

that day, God showed me that He really meant it when He said that He is love and mercy. in realizing this, i don't want to sin any more, because i don't want to hurt someone who loves me THAT much.. more than His own life.. how often do i reflect on Christ's Passion? i definitely need to do this more... yet i guess i'll sin again sometime :( cause i'm so weak. maybe this is good to remember, for humility. i pray that i'd sin less though.

but..really God is soo merciful.. i hope i won't ever forget this or lose hope in His mercy, like i did that day.

Jesus to St. Faustina:
"My daughter, do you think you have written enough about My mercy? What you have written is but a drop compared to the ocean. I am Love and Mercy itself...
Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul"