the healing power of God's mercy

Something happened to me a couple of days ago, and it taught me an important lesson. I want to tell this story to bring glory to God's mercy and to encourage everyone to trust in Him. I don't always trust God, but I really should ;) I was taught that Jesus always desires to show us mercy, but it's up to us to receive it or to reject it.. and the way we accept it is by trusting in His mercy. It's a simple message but sometimes we forget.. I know I do!

Here's what happened to me... a couple of days ago, I think I was really spiritually attacked. I'm usually an optimistic, positive person, but that day I was dealing with all kinds of temptations, doubts, and fears. At one point, I almost became an atheist!! This really scared me. The temptation to leave my faith was very overwhelming. I imagined myself as an atheist.. telling my family that.."I guess I'm just not into all this anymore.." and taking down the things in my 'prayer corner', like old childhood toys that i outgrew :( I know it was only God's grace that kept me from taking this step - surely it would have been a step into hell. I resolved to stay with God no matter what and kept on asking Him to protect me and to not let me go. I just kept on repeating that. He did not. :) and the temptation went away.

but later on that evening, I felt like I had lost all hope in God and fell into despair. My whole life seemed so bleak and there was nothing in my future but misery and disappointment. I'm rarely like this, so I seriously think this was an attack - it did not seem to come from me at all, although I did encourage these thoughts and didn't try to stop them. I felt so much pain inside though; I don't even know why. I couldn't find consolation anywhere. I started worrying about everything..about myself, and others, my family, friends, and about all kinds of things that are going on right now...I felt that nothing would turn out well. I really felt like God had abandoned me and wouldn't take care of me.

So then I went upstairs to my room and knelt at my 'prayer corner'. I was crying and begged God to help me. I felt like I was only a little bit away from losing my faith altogether. Then, for some reason, I picked up my "Divine Mercy in My Soul" book.. and opened it on a random page. It was a page that I had never read before. I saw these words, spoken by Jesus to St. Faustina:

"For you, I am mercy itself; therefore I ask you to offer Me your misery and this very helplessness of yours, and, in this way, you will delight My Heart.
My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy, graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy, and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain. My daughter, I desire that your heart be an abiding place of My mercy. I desire that this mercy flow out upon the whole world through your heart. Let no one who approaches you go away without that trust in My mercy which I so ardently desire for souls...
...Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul"

when I read this, I felt like Jesus was telling me these same words. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at that moment. I knew that all I had to do was trust Him, and everything would be alright. I decided to do that. And suddenly, in an INSTANT, all my pain, doubt, temptation, etc..went away. I was surprised at how quickly God healed me of everything..I was battling all these thoughts for HOURS, and nothing helped, and God took everything away instantly!! This was definitely a lesson to not rely on my own strength. I felt like I had awoken from a dream, everything was suddenly so clear and obvious..! I wondered how I had ever slipped into despair, when the truth was right in front of me.

After this, I felt soo much joy, I couldn't stop smiling. I also felt incredible peace. I mean, it was truly incredible. I couldn't believe it. I asked God...why did this happen? And I felt like this was all because of His mercy; because of His love and mercy, He healed me. And I realized that I could keep this peace, if I only keep on trusting Him. Indeed, whenever I turned to God with trust that evening..and gave Him all of my fears, doubts, etc...I felt that awesome sense of peace. It wasn't just an absense of worry, but something much greater. It was definitely a gift from God.

all the things that Jesus said about trusting Him, and everything He said about His love and mercy and faithfulness, He MEANT it. Sometimes when we go through difficult times we stop trusting God and we don't truly believe that He would help us. I think this experience was given to me so that I would see that everything He said IS real. It's not just words. He wasn't lying when He said that He will take care of souls that trust in His mercy, and grant them everything they need for salvation. Sometimes He does allow us to feel afraid and confused, and sometimes He doesn't let us feel His presence, but that is so that we would learn to trust..and no matter what we go through, it should not rob us of the peace we have in Christ. We have to hold on to that by faith..