and..this morning

:) update from "last night". wow i guess God really heard my prayers!!

this morning..i had to wake up real early for Mass. i sure didn't want to !! i was soo sleepy. somehow i got up anyway. went to Mass... and..SO glad i did!

i went to st paul's..again. came in, got on my kneeler..started praying before the service. i didn't even know what to say! just kept on repeating the same sort of thing, over and over.
then i opened the Missal, found "June 6th", and read today's Gospel reading:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30

i took that as a sign! cause..that's EXACTLY what i needed to hear. COME TO ME.. i looked at the Tabernacle, - oki Jesus i want to come to You but i'll need some help! i felt so tired spiritually. but when we got to the second Scripture reading, i felt soo much better. when Matt. 11:28-30 was read out loud, i felt like Jesus was saying the words to me. one of the psalms we sang..i can't remember the words now.. it was so beautiful. i had tears in my eyes the whole time. the homily was about this too...about finding real peace in God..

then...the Liturgy of the Eucharist!! my favourite moment of Mass :) when we sang..

Holy holy holy Lord
God of power and might
Heaven and Earth are full of your glory
Hosanna in the highest
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna in the highest

i thought..we're participating in HEAVENLY worship!! we're praising God together with all the angels and saints of heaven...the Eucharist makes us all ONE in Christ..we're all kneeling together, before "the Lamb who was slain".. this is TIMELESS. wow. during the consecration..we are at Calvary..before the one and eternal sacrifice, made present before us...

and then the priest lifted the Host and the Cup ..and the Holy Spirit transformed the bread and wine into the risen, life giving Flesh and Blood of our Savior. "happy are those called to the Lamb's supper".

i couldn't receive, of course.. :( not yet.. but when the priest blessed me, i once more felt grace enter my soul. as if i HAVE received Christ, spiritually. even though i completely forgot to say the Spiritul Communion prayer today. i wonder if priests realize this..what their blessings can do.

and after Mass, i felt so much PEACE. finally!!

but the story doesn't stop here.. at church, i got the "Catholic Register" newspaper.. as i usually do. and on one of the pages, there was a quote by St. Therese of Lisieux (one of my favourite Saints..ever..)

"my strength lies in prayer and sacrifice; they are invincible weapons, and touch hearts more surely than words can do, as I have learned by experience" (St. Therese)

AMEN.. at that moment, when i read that, i realized something. all last night i was worrying about my words. that when i share my faith, it only annoys people. and this morning, i realized..that it's soo important to pray for the people i'm sharing with, and to truly love them, to forgive them.. and the value of sacrifice.. and God takes all this and uses it.

Another thing i realized is:

"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect"
1 Peter 3:15

how gentle have i been, really, when questioned about my faith? when people criticized what i said, did i show that i was annoyed, or did i respond with kindness and patience?? it's easy to look at the flaws of others, especially when they said or did something that hurt you, but it's hard to then look at oneself and say...maybe i provoked their words.. maybe i should have spoken differently myself.

i hope i remember..