prayer

(i'm posting this so that i may remember how far i still have to go in loving God)

my Jesus
You did not turn away from suffering, but obeyed the Father, and loved to the end..
when i suffer..my pain is nothing compared to Yours..but so often i complain
and how many times i've prefered my own comfort to following You!
how little i must love You then..if i'm not willing to endure pain for Your sake, even after all You've done for me,
to pick up my cross and follow You..
i am sorry Lord..see how i cry because i love You so little, have mercy on me..
please make me love You fully
even if it will hurt me
that wouldn't matter, because You are my only Treasure
let me love as You have loved
let me not turn away from any suffering, but offer it to You
let me understand Your Passion, even if i'll have to share in it

change my heart.. so that:
i'd want the crown of thorns more than the crown of gold
i'd want the cross more than all the pleasures and riches of this world
i'd count it a blessing to suffer as You did..but not count myself worthy
i'd rather be humiliated than praised by others (i even fear asking for this!)
i'd always be obedient and totally surrendered to Your holy will
when i am misunderstood, or lonely, let it bring me closer to You
and then i will rejoice in my suffering
change my heart so that i'd rather give than receive
how can i live in comfort and luxury while my Lord was stripped of His garments
and tortured, for love of me?
no servant is greater than his Master
help me love the poor, and see You in them
and be ready to give up anything for You, counting all things as loss compared to You

Lord i offer You my poor heart, so selfish and proud and vain
i beg You.. change it to the pure heart of a child
that i may be simple and humble and do only Your will..most of all, i ask for love
it is the greatest gift
..help me love

Lord all this seems so unattainable..
but this i know: all things are possible with You
i dont think i can ever be like the Saints
but i ask this..help me love You with ALL MY HEART
and that would be enough for me
i'm not asking for great deeds or great sanctity or glory in heaven..(You are my Heaven)
but for GREAT LOVE
and let YOUR will be done in my life

today You gave me a great grace..
thank You Jesus because i know this brings me closer to You
thank You for answering my prayer
take me further..
and give me the grace to always love and adore You

i repeat St. Liguori's prayer:
"May the sorrows of Jesus, the ignominies of Jesus, the wounds of Jesus, the death of Jesus, the love of Jesus thrust themselves into my heart, and may their sweet memory remain there forever to wound me continually and inflame me with love.
I love You, my Jesus; I love You, my sovereign good; I love You, my love, more then my entire being: I love You, and I want that love for You to last forever."


amen.

i need to learn to do this..

i realized today that sometimes i don't feel that i do enough for God. i kept on thinking about this...what does He want me to do..and how much..

I thought..maybe, just..do what you can with love and God would be pleased. use every opportunity you can get, whether big or small. be ready to serve God in any way He asks you to, no matter how difficult (..something i greatly struggle with). help the poor, comfort the lonely, feed the hungry, pray for the lost.

it does not matter how great our deeds are, but how much love we put into them. "it raises our smallest actions into infinity". whatever we do that's for God, He will use it...and maybe make something great out of it in the future. we need to trust Him.

helping even one person makes Jesus smile because each person is precious to Him.

attributes of God

(just a list i came up with one day while thinking..what is Jesus like..who is He?)

..merciful
Savior
unconditionally loving
rest for our souls
Prince of Peace
victorious over death and darkness
forgiving
His love is infinite
loves us more than His own life
compassionate
won't ever give up on us
humble
accepts ANYONE who comes to Him
totally understanding
patient
gives eternal life
Holy
pure, sinless
caring
kind
gentle
Healer
not like the world
longs for us to know His love
loves us passionately, not in a general disinterested way
brings joy
brings hope
friend of sinners
friend of the forgotten, the broken, the suffering, the lonely
our Best Friend
our Lord and King
His heart is full of love for each of us
powerful, mighty to save
unchanging
all knowing
faithful
keeps promises
honest, never lies
encouraging
has a plan and hope for each person
just
His ways are not our ways
trustworthy
His grace is enough
Creator
generous
teaches us to love others
not selfish, loves us to the point of self sacrifice
loves us in truth and actions, not just words
rejoices when we come to Him!
waits for us
can change us, helps us overcome sin
would never drive us away
looks at our hearts, not just at words and externals
does everything for a reason
knows exactly what we need
would still have died for you even if you were the only person on earth

is more than we can imagine!!

Jesus is love :)

AMAZING article about what Church is

http://www.catholic.org/national/national_story.php?id=28724&page=1

i think it's very true..and so eloquent, well put. it really made me think.

i was never much into "megachurches", or the ones where they just try to entertain people.. i understand what they're trying to do, but it's not for me. i'm not saying they don't help anyone though. probably there are many people for whom "megachurches" are a good introduction to Christianity.

i really like the churches where it's just some people seeking God and studying His word, worshipping Him.. a church that's focused on Christ, not on entertaining large numbers of people. there are churches of this sort in all denominations (and non denom ;)).. it really depends on the leadership i guess.

God has brought me to a church that is big and universal.. but not "people pleasing".. ancient, liturgical, yet open to renewal and not 'stuck in the past' so much that it can't ever be relevant. so i'm very thankful for that, and it feels like home, although it didn't always. i used to want a really 'modern' style church, but now i actually like the Catholic/Orthodox churches too..

i can really relate to what that article is saying about what the Church means. it's much more than what i thought in the past.

some of my favourite Catholic prayers and devotions

i love catholic prayers!! when i say them they help so much.

Spiritual Communion Prayer

My Jesus, I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated from You.

The Rosary:
http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/rosary2.htm
Irresistible Novena:
http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/rosary6.htm



The Divine Mercy Chaplet:
http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm

Prayer while visiting the Most Blessed Sacrament:

My Lord Jesus Christ, for the love which You bear to men, You remain night and day in this Sacrament full of compassion and of love, awaiting, calling, and welcoming all who come to visit You. I believe that You are present in the Sacrament of the Altar: I adore You from the abyss of my nothingness, and I thank You for all the graces which You have bestowed upon me and in particular for having given me Yourself in this Sacrament, for having given me your holy Mother Mary for my advocate, and for having called me to visit You in this chapel. I now salute
Your most loving Heart: and this for three ends:
1. In thanksgiving for this great gift;
2. To make amends to You for all the outrages which You receive in this Sacrament from all Your enemies;
3. I intend by this visit to adore You in all the places on earth in which You are the least revered and the most abandoned.

My Jesus, I love You with all my heart. I grieve for having so many times offended Your infinite goodness. I promise with Your grace never more to offend You in the future.
Now, miserable and unworthy though I be, I consecrate myself to You without reserve;
I give You my entire will, my affections, my desires, and all that I possess. From now on dispose of me and of all that I have as You please. All that I ask of You and desire is Your holy love, final perseverance, and the perfect accomplishment of Your will. I recommend to You the souls in purgatory; but especially those who had the greatest devotion to the most Blessed Sacrament and to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I also recommend to You all poor sinners.

My dear Saviour, I unite all my affections with the affections of Your most loving Heart; and I offer them, thus united, to Your eternal Father, and beseech Him in Your name to vouchsafe, for Your love, to accept them.
Amen.



For the intercession of St. Michael:

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.



Morning prayer written by St. Therese

O my God! I offer Thee all my actions of this day for the intentions and for the glory of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I desire to sanctify every beat of my heart, my every thought, my simplest works, by uniting them to Its infinite merits; and I wish to make reparation for my sins by casting them into the furnace of Its Merciful Love.

O my God! I ask of Thee for myself and for those whom I hold dear, the grace to fulfill perfectly Thy Holy Will, to accept for love of Thee the joys and sorrows of this passing life, so that we may one day be united together in heaven for all Eternity.

Amen.

An Act of Consecration to the Sacred Heart of Jesus:

I give myself and consecrate to the Sacred Heart of our Lord Jesus Christ, my person and my life, my actions, pains and sufferings, so that I may be unwilling to make use of any part of my being other than to honor, love and glorify the Sacred Heart. This is my unchanging purpose, namely, to be all His, and to do all things for the love of Him, at the same time renouncing with all my heart whatever is displeasing to Him. I therefore take You, O Sacred heart, to be the only object of my love, the guardian of my life, my assurance of salvation, the remedy of my weakness and inconstancy, the atonement for all the faults of my life and my sure refuge at the hour of death.
Be then, O Heart of goodness, my justification before God the Father, and turn away from me the strokes of his righteous anger. O Heart of love, I put all my confidence in You, for I fear everything from my own wickedness and frailty, but I hope for all things from Your goodness and bounty.

Remove from me all that can displease You or resist Your holy will; let your pure love imprint Your image so deeply upon my heart, that I shall never be able to forget You or to be separated from You.

May I obtain from all Your loving kindness the grace of having my name written in Your Heart, for in You I desire to place all my happiness and glory, living and dying in bondage to You.

Amen.

Novena to St. Therese

St. Therese, the little flower, pick me a rose from the heavenly garden and send it to me with a message of love. Ask God to grant the favor I implore and tell him I will love him each day more and more.Amen

Say this prayer for five days along with (5) Our Fathers, (5) Hail Marys and (5) Glory Be's. On the 5th day say this sequence plus an additional (5) Our Fathers, (5) Hail Marys and (5) Glory Be's.

Sacred Heart of Jesus devotion:
http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/heart/index.htm
http://www.miraclerosarymission.org/shj.htm
http://www.fisheaters.com/sh.html

Morning Offering to the Sacred Heart

O Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer You my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day for all the intentions of Your Sacred Heart, in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world, in reparation for my sins, for the intentions of all our associates, and in particular for the intentions of our Holy Father for this month.

'miraculous medal':
http://www.amm.org/medal.asp

St. Benedict medal:
http://www.osb.org/gen/medal.html

Prayer for souls in Purgatory

Eternal Father,
I offer Thee the Most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus,
in union with the Masses said throughout the world today,
for all the Holy Souls in Purgatory,
for sinners everywhere,
for sinners in the Universal Church,
those in my own home and within my family.

Amen.

http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/prayer/purgator.htm

"We must not forget that at Fatima the Angel personally taught the three shepherd children the beautiful Eucharistic prayer of reparation, which we ought to learn: “O most holy Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I adore You profoundly, and I offer You the most precious Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ, present in all the tabernacles of the world, in reparation for the outrages, sacrileges and indifference with which He is offended. And through the infinite merits of His most Sacred Heart and of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I beg of You the conversion of poor sinners.”

beautiful picture of the Virgin Mary

Memorare
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

thoughts on Communion...

last night i was thinking that probably very soon i'll be able to receive the Eucharist??? maybe this autumn/winter..spring? lol. and suddenly i realized what a BIG DEAL that is. i really don't feel ready, i definitely don't feel worthy, i don't think i CAN be worthy.. how can i be worthy of the Body and Blood of my Lord?? no it's such a gift..completely undeserved. i'm so small..and He's the King of Kings. so i want to put preparation into this.. i want to go to confession the day before and confess EVERYTHING - and i'm afraid because some of my sins are really bad..i mean i'm ashamed of them and i hate admitting them even to myself. this is SOO silly but i'm actually nervous of what the priest is going to think of me - maybe that's just my pride?? he's probably heard it all before though. (at least that's what people have been telling me!) but still...i'll go to confession.. i can't wait for that moment when my soul will be perfectly clean..i was thinking the other day how the Blood of Jesus doesn't just cover up our sins (as i've been told before), no, it washes them away completely. God has been showing me what awesome grace there is in confession..that it's really a Sacrament. soo..i can't wait! (even though i'm scared lol)

another thing.. in the past, when i took Communion at my family's Orthodox church, i don't think i really had the right approach to it. when i received the Eucharist, i was thinking about how it would feel like, etc, and a part of me wondered if i'll have any sort of spiritual experience.. and it's funny i didn't get anything. i mean i knew it was the real Eucharist, Christ's Body and Blood, but i didn't approach it in the right way.

Yesterday, I decided that when..if.. i'll take Communion at the Catholic church, i'm not going to think about me. i mean..when i'll receive the Eucharist, i'll be receiving Jesus into myself..literally..it will be total union, in the closest way possible.. so i was thinking yesterday, how at that moment, i just want to give Him all the love that i'm capable of giving. i read somewhere that as long as we have this intention, He will receive this love. instead of thinking, how i'll feel after Communion, i should think...how will it be like for HIM? i think it was in St. Faustina's diary.. that Jesus told her that He enters some souls as into a second Passion. :( but i think if someone receives the Eucharist, completely free of sin, with a pure heart that beats for Him alone, waits for Him alone, loves Him alone.. if they welcome Jesus and embrace Him.. i think this is what He really longs for when He comes to us in the Blessed Sacrament. this is what He intended. the purpose is not to get some sort of spiritual experience for ourselves.. but to please His Heart, to make this Heaven for Him.

i love what St. Therese of Lisieux said about her first Communion..

"My First Communion will always be a perfect memory, and I am sure I could not have been better prepared than I was. Do you remember the wonderful little book you have me three months before the great day? It was set out so beautifully and prepared me surely step by step; even though I had been thinking for so long about my First Communion, I had to renew my ardor and fill my heart with freshly gathered flowers. So every day, I made many sacrifices and acts of love, which were transformed into flowers; some were violets and roses, others cornflowers and daisies and forget-me-nots. I wanted all the flowers on earth to cradle Jesus in my heart...

...How lovely it was, that first kiss of Jesus in my heart - it was truly a kiss of love. I knew that I was loved and said, "I love You, and I give myself to You forever". Jesus asked for nothing, He claimed no sacrifice. Long before that, He and little Therese had seen and understood one another well, but on that day it was more than a meeting - it was a complete fusion. We were no longer two, for Therese had disappeared like a drop of water lost in the mighty ocean. Jesus alone remained - the Master and the King. Had she not asked Him to take away her liberty, the liberty she feared? She felt so weak and frail that she wanted to unite herself forever to His Divine Strength. And her joy became so vast, so deep, that now it overflowed. Soon she was weeping, to the astonishment of her companions, who said to one another later on: "why did she cry? was there something on her conscience? perhaps it was because her mother was not there, or the Carmelite sister she loves so much". It was beyond them that all the joy of Heaven had entered one small, exiled heart, and that it was too frail and weak to bear it without tears. As if the absense of my mother could make me unhappy on the day of my First Communion! As all Heaven entered my soul when I received Jesus, my mother came to me as well. Nor could I cry because you were not there, we were closer than ever before. It was joy alone, deep ineffable joy that filled my heart.

...There seemed to be a veil of melancholy over the day that followed. My dresses, lovely as they were, and my presents - these could never fill my heart. Jesus alone could do that, and I longed for the wonderful moment when He would come a second time. This was on Ascension Day, when I had the joy of kneeling at the altar rails between Father and my darling Marie. Again there were tears of indescribable joy upon my cheeks, while I murmured time and time again the words of St. Paul: "I live, now not I, but Christ liveth in me". (Gal. 2:20)

After this second visit of Our Lord, I longed for nothing but to receive Him. This was allowed on all the major feasts, but how far apart they seemed. Marie used to prepare me on the eve of these great days, just as she had done for my First Communion, and once I remember she spoke of suffering and said she was sure that God would always carry me like a little child and not make me tread that path. These words came back to me after Communion the next day, and I was convinced that there was many a cross in store for me. Then my soul was filled with such a flood of consolation as I have never had in all my life. Suffering began to attract me; I found charms in it which captivated me without yet fully understanding it. I felt another great desire: to love God only and find my joy in Him alone. Often during my thanksgivings, I repeated the passage from the Imitation: "O Jesus! unspeakable sweetness, turn earthly consolations into bitterness for me". These words came to my lips without any effort. I said them as a child recites what someone it loves has prompted, without fully grasping what it means."

wow, how many graces God offers us in the Eucharist!! i'm ready to believe that St. Therese through Communion. i really hope and pray that once i'll be able to receive the Eucharist, God would help me to obey Him better and grow in love for Him.

for my first Communion at the Catholic church.. i just want to come to God as a little child, and receive Jesus into my heart giving Him all the love i have.
i feel like this is difficult for me though because i dont have enough humility.. i'll really need God to give me some special grace to be able to receive the Eucharist properly.. not like i did before in the EO church.

From St. Faustina's Diary:

"November 19. After Communion today, Jesus told me how much He desires to come to human hearts. I desire to unite Myself with human souls; My great delight is to united Myself with souls. Know, My daughter, that when I come to a human heart in Holy Communion, My hands are full of all kinds of graces which I want to give to the soul. But souls do not even pay any attention to Me; they leave Me to Myself and busy themselves with other things. Oh, how sad I am that souls do not recognize love! They treat Me as a dead object. I answered Jesus, “O Treasure of my heart, the only object of my love and entire delight of my soul, I want to adore You in my heart as You are adored on the throne of Your eternal glory. My love wants to make up to You at least in part for the coldness of so great a number of souls. Jesus, behold my heart which is for You a dwelling place to which no one else has entry. You alone repose in it as in a beautiful garden."

Christ's suffering

i was talking to someone recently, about how some Christians think it's wrong to really think about Christ's pain and suffering on the Cross. they say that since He is now risen, we shouldn't dwell on this too much, and there was "more to His life". i'm kind of puzzled by this to be honest because it is the Cross that has redeemed us. and He went through all that pain for our sake. if i had a friend who went through a lot of suffering out of love for me, and afterwards i didn't want to speak about it to anyone or even think about it, wouldn't that really hurt my friend? i also met some people who believe that it is wrong to have any images of Jesus on the Cross, (like the crucifix) because to them it implies that He never rose from the dead..they say that instead, we should only display the empty cross in our churches. this i also disagree with (although i understand this view), because churches that have crucifixes (such as Catholic or Orthodox), definitely do believe in the Resurrection.. we recite this in the Creed at every Mass: "He..was crucified, died and was buried. He descended to the dead. On the third day He rose again. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living and the dead". :)
the point of the crucifix is just to help us remember the pain He endured for our sake.. it's just a visual reminder. i have a little crucifix in my room, and i've found it helpful.

i think God has been showing me lately that it is really important for us to often reflect on Christ's Passion. all the Saints did this, and received many graces as a result. but we shouldn't just do that in hopes of receiving something.. we should think about His suffering simply out of love for Him. Jesus endured everything for us.. physical torture, loneliness, betrayal, He was mocked, beaten, nailed to a cross..He felt abandoned by His Father (i can't imagine how much pain He suffered then..)

and at ANY moment, He could have ended it all. He could have went back to Heaven, He could have forced the people to let Him go, or to worship Him.. He could have changed their hearts in a moment. But He stayed on the Cross, He endured the unimaginable pain to the end, simply out of His infinite love for us. And His love truly is infinite.. He had enough love to die for each of us a thousand times, if that had been necessary. CS Lewis once said that..even if you were the only person in the world, He still would have died for you. isn't that amazing?? that's the love of our Savior.. and all this time, He knew that most of the human race would not believe in Him...He knew that in return for His love, He would receive so much hatred, so many insults, and that people would still mock Him after His death.. and He knew that even after He had shown me so much kindness and mercy, and gave me faith to believe in Him, i would still sin against Him deliberately and hurt Him over and over. :( But He still loved..

do we really think about what He went through, or do we take it for granted.. i admit that sometimes i do take it for granted.. i pray that i never will again! i think it's so important for us to reflect upon His Passion.. maybe to pray the Stations of the Cross.. to really try to understand what it was all like for Him. this can really help us grow in love for God. i'm so glad that in the Catholic Church, Christ's suffering is often talked about..in the Saints, the prayers, devotions, etc. i never really thought about it much before.

i think i should just make a commitment to reflect on the Passion more often..

i heard a (true) story recently about how someone's friend, a pastor (wow..), called a crucifix "disgusting". wow. when we look at Christ on the Cross, dying for our sins..that's not "disgusting"..no, it's called LOVE.

and our beloved Savior suffers from all the unbelief, ingratitude, hatred, sin of this world..the Catholic Church encourages us to console His Sacred Heart for all the offenses that are done against Him daily. (i think this is such a beautiful devotion)

"As Jesus spoke to His apostles, so He pleads with us to stay and watch and pray with Him. His Sacred Heart is filled with sadness, because so many doubt Him, despise Him, insult Him, ridicule Him. In the Sacrament of Love, so many forget Him. Every mortal sin brings down the terrible scourges on His Sacred Body, presses the sharp thorns into His Sacred Head, and hammers the cruel nails into His Sacred Hands and Feet. The ingratitude of mankind continually pierces His Sacred Heart."
http://www.2heartsnetwork.org/holyhour.htm

thoughts on loneliness, following God, and St. Therese

i've realized that lately i've been feeling lonely in big groups of people..
when i went to the c4c summer meeting, i was glad to see everyone again and i missed my friends, but somehow i also wanted to just run away and be alone with God. i never feel lonely with him. i just felt somehow disconnected from everything. (and during the praise and worship, i was really missing Adoration, which surprised me but actually i was glad. lol! it's strange i actually felt A LOT of joy at this time, even the loneliness seemed to be a blessing)

i hope this is God trying to draw me closer to Himself.

i wonder what this year would be like..
i just pray that God would give me strength.

another thing i've been thinking about..
i've realized that i'm really not involved in c4c in any way. in the past, i sort of wanted to be a DG leader later on, just because i wanted God to use me somehow. i prayed about it lots.. and told God that whatever His will is, it would be fine with me. well i didn't become a DG leader, and i think now i know why.. God knew i'd become Catholic.. and i have to admit that c4c beliefs are very Protestant. additionally, i prayed a lot about going on project. i was ready to go if God called me. He didn't though. i wonder why that is.. i guess it's just not His will that i go on one. maybe i'll go on some sort of mission trip in the future..

so sometimes i struggle with thoughts that i'm really giving God my all because even though i'm in c4c, i'm not really doing anything there. maybe God has a different plan for me.. instead of being a leader, etc, maybe He wants me to quietly share my faith with my friends, one on one, help people, one on one, without anyone knowing.. pray for others.. and that might teach me how to truly live for God's glory and do things to serve Him, not in order to be noticed..so that my reward would only be from my Father. and if i'm ever ready for other things, God will make it happen.

it is LOVE that gives value to our actions. if we do something very small with lots of love, it becomes meaningful and pleases God. and if we do something seemingly big and important.. but for ourselves, not for Him, and without love.. it loses all significance.

and how can we ever do enough for God?? we can't...no matter how much i try i will not be able to give Jesus what He so deserves from me.. maybe if i always feel that i'm doing 'too little', that's because it's the truth, and will always be the truth.

about a month ago, i saw a movie about St. Therese that really affected me. it's called "Therese".. and it's based on her diary. She was a Carmelite nun. She spent her life doing little unnoticed things for God, and no one realized how devout she was. She wanted to keep her good works hidden from everyone except God, even from herself..and to do everything with great love for Him. and she approached God as a little child.. "little flower" Therese. i love her so much. i'm convinced that she did more to help sinners with her prayers and sacrifices than if she had done something big like going on missions (which many nuns do! like Mother Teresa. and that's awesome!).

i think there's a balance.. it is great to hide your good works from people so that only God knows about them.. on the other hand we should definitely be like "stars in this dark universe", pointing everyone we meet towards Christ, and letting our lives show His work so that others would praise Him. i want soo much for others to see Jesus in me and to truly be His "hands and feet" and bring the lost to Him...i believe the Eucharist would help me with this... anyway...i think that St. Therese, and other Saints, found that balance pretty well. maybe this is done by not focusing on yourself so much, letting God's love flow from you into other souls, without bringing attention to how 'devout' you are..only bringing attention to Him. we should not think much of our good works and not let "the left hand know what the right is doing".

anyway...when i saw that movie i felt like God was telling me that..it's ok that i'm not doing anything that seems "big" to people.. what matters is what He thinks, and the service that matters to Him is - obedience, and LOVE. only love matters. "it raises our smallest actions into infinity". perhaps offering a kind word to someone who needs it, helping my mom with housework, and praying that my non Christian friends would realize God's love.. maybe that's all very meaningful to God if done with love, and He will take these 'seeds' and make them grow, and they'll grow into something beautiful for God's glory. and if He ever gives me the opportunity to do something bigger, i'll take it, and pray for humility..cause i'm very proud still. but first, i need to become comfortable with simply obeying God..i may want to do big things, but if He doesn't want me to right now, i shouldn't do them.. because that would be disobedience. Let His will be done, not my own. Maybe all this is God's way of teaching me to give up my own will and desires, and to "deny the self". i really need to do this so that's great :) and during this past year, i've had to deal with some "crosses" that came my way, and maybe He is also teaching me that suffering, united to His sacrifice, has great spiritual value.

love is..

(something i find useful to reflect upon :))

1 Cor. 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Right now I am reading St. Liguori's excellent book "the practice of the love of Jesus Christ".. in which he talks about each of these characteristics of love mentioned by Apostle Paul.

love is patient..
how often am i patient with people? (not very..)

love is kind..
how often am i kind to the unkind.. do i sincerely care about people?

it does not envy..
do i ever feel jealous of people?

it does not boast, it is not proud..
pride..something i really need help on

it is not rude..
sometimes i am rude :(

it is not self seeking..
yup definitely need help there..

it is not easily angered..
sometimes when i'm annoyed i'm easily angered

it keeps no record of wrongs..
forgive AND FORGET.

love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth..
this is probably the one that i'm better at..but still, not perfect

it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres..
just like Jesus' love :)

in fact, now that i think of it, all these characteristics apply perfectly to God. He is love. And hopefully the more we are sanctified..the more we are transformed to His likeness..the more we would show patience, kindness, hope, perseverence, etc.

In St. Liguori's book I also found the following:

"this, then, should be our only care, to acquire a true love for Jesus Christ. the spiritual masters describe the signs of true love. Love, say they, is fearful; it fears displeasing God. It is generous, because, trusting in God, it is never dismayed from undertaking even the greatest tasks for His glory. it is strong, because it conquers all its evil appetites, even amid the most violent temptations and the darkest desolation. It is obedient, because it immediately seeks to carry out God's commands. It is pure, because it loves God alone, and only because He deserves to be loved. It is ardent, because it would inflame all people and see them consumed with divine love. It is inebriating, for it makes the soul live as if it were beside itself, as if it no longer saw or felt or had any senses left for things of this world, and was wholly intent on loving God. It is unifying, for it tightly binds together the will of the creature and the will of the Creator. it is yearning, for it fills the soul with desire to leave this world, to fly to a perfect union with God in its happy homeland, so as to love Him there with all its strength".

Adoration: heaven on earth

adoration of the Blessed Sacrament..

i'm in awe.. it's SO amazing/unbelievable. in the past, i used to always pray that God would come nearer to me somehow.. i would call out to Him, during praise and worship, i wanted to know Him better, to experience more of Him. but all this time.. He was in the Blessed Sacrament, hidden in the Tabernacle of a little church down the street..waiting for me to discover Him and receive the graces He has prepared. He welcomes anyone who comes.. speaks to them.. when i'm there i don't want to leave..there is nothing sweeter in the world than being near Jesus, even when He is hidden and you dont feel His presence in any way and have to rely on blind faith...it is still better than anything the world offers.. it's not about feelings, it's about knowing you're close to Him - even if you receive no consolations and your prayers feel very dry.. and then at other times its like you're experiencing a bit of heaven - a really tiny bit - but it's still so overwhelming.

i'm just amazed that He loves us this much!! that He would be willing to stay in the Blessed Sacrament, hidden, night and day...for our sake.. to show His love for us.. so often all alone, forgotten about.. :( i'm so glad they have Adoration, so that people can actually come and visit. i with i had the opportunity to go more. it's not something we do for ourselves, but for Him..to offer Him reparation for all the sins and offenses committed against Him. to console His Heart. because out of love for us, He came down to such a level. He has loved us more than His own life, and more than His own glory. even though we hurt Him with our sins.. and unbelief.. and lack of trust. i'm really guilty of all these things.
but when i'm at Adoration...i receive so much grace. i'm convinced it's the best time spent on earth. i remember one of the first times i went to Adoration, it was at "lift Jesus higher". it was "praise and worship" adoration, so people were singing to Him.. and i saw a lot of people were on their knees, and i felt shy at first but then God made it clear to me that He is really present there. and after that, i felt so uncomfortable standing and knelt too. ever since then, Adoration has been really special to me.

(from St. Liguori's book 'visits to the Blessed Sacrament')

"Saints and the Blessed Sacrament

But let all those devout souls who often go to spend their time with the Most Blessed Sacrament speak: let them tell us the gifts, the inspirations which they have received, the flames of love which are there enkindled in their souls, the paradise which they enjoy in the presence of this hidden God.

the servant of God and great Sicilian missionary, Father Louis La Nusa, was, even in his youth and as a layman, so enamored of Jesus Christ that he seemed unable to tear himself away from the presence of his beloved Lord. such were the joys which he there experienced that his director commanded him, in virtue of obedience, not to remain there for more than an hour...

To St. Aloysius it was also forbidden to remain in the presence of the Most Blessed Sacrament; and as he used to pass before it, finding himself drawn, so to speak, by the sweet attractions of his Lord and almost forced to remain there, he would tear himself away with the greatest effort, saying with an excess of tender love: "depart from me, O Lord, depart!" there it was also that St. Francis Xavier found refreshment in the midst of his many labours in India, for he employed his days toiling for souls and his nights in the presence of the Most Blessed Sacrament. St. John Francis Regis did the same thing: and sometimes finding the church closed, he endeavored to satisfy his longings by remaining on his knees outside the door, exposed to the rain or cold, that at least at a distance he might attend upon his Comforter concealed under the sacramental species."

wow!!

finally free

No chain is strong enough, no choice is wrong enough
No mountain high enough that He can't climb

No shadow dark enough, no night is black enough
No road is lost enough that He can't find

(chorus)
And if the Son has set us free, then we must be free indeed
Let the chains fall away, starting today
Everything has changed...I'm finally free

No pain is deep enough, no heart could bleed enough
Nothing but Jesus' love can make a way

(chorus)

(Nichole Nordeman)

'who am I' by Casting Crowns

one of my favourite songs :)

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

dealing with annoying people..

i admit that there are some people in my life who tend to annoy me sometimes. i wish i wasn't that easily annoyed! that's something i'm still dealing with. i don't always react as i should. but i was thinking..how does God want me to react..

i think that God would want me to be kind, but not expect kindness in return. Some people are maybe dealing with hurt and emotional problems, and so it might be difficult for them to show love to others (though it doesn't mean that they don't love). also it happens to us all that we just have a bad day.
if someone is being mean because they are dealing with hurt, etc, inside themselves...it might be that only God can truly heal them. But as His children, we should show His love and compassion to a hurting world.. to whoever needs it most.. and then trust God to use it for healing. Sometimes we can be good to people and they'll still think badly of us.. and that can be really difficult to deal with, well it's difficult for me. But it's good to remember.. if you do good deeds and no one notices, that's a blessing.. because Christ said that if we do good things in secret, our reward would be from our Father. St. Therese of Lisieux spent her life doing small unnoticed deeds of kindness, out of love for God, and she is a great example for us all to follow. I have so much to learn from her. I think God would want us to just follow Him and do good to others, and not expect any reward except that of pleasing Him.

I read "No Greater Love" by Mother Teresa a few months ago, and it really taught me a lot.. she spent her life helping the poor, and she treated them with so much love and respect that some of them even turned to God as a result. Most people who feel lonely or are hurting just want someone who loves and respects them for who they are, values their friendship...

If we repay evil with evil, there would only be more evil. But if we do good to those who hurt us, as Jesus taught, then the devil would lose another battle.. when angry, hurting people are shown love in return, many times their hearts are changed.. they are closer to being healed. and they find it easier to be loving themselves. if others would criticize you for not repaying evil with evil, it's important to remember that as Christians we're called to please God, not people. And if they'll praise you for it, it's also important to remember that.

Someone asked recently.. to what extent should we go to show love to our neighbour. Christ said, there is no greater love but to lay down your life for another.
We should love even if it hurts. In fact, until it hurts. That's the type of love that God has shown us. If our love doesn't EVER cost us anything, it's probably too small.

I admit that many times my love is too small..
But God's love is infinite. When we feel that we have no love to give, all we have to do is give HIS love. He gives to us, so that we may give to others.

My prayer for today is that God would teach me how to be a more loving person.. how to be more patient, more kind, more compassionate to others.. how to treat people with dignity and respect, remembering that they too were created by God, and loved by Him before Creation. I pray that I would be better at loving my enemies, and also those who are not my enemies but who sometimes annoy me. Lord help me remember my own sinfulness, and the many times that I have annoyed and hurt others. My prayer is also that I would do all this with humility, not thinking much of myself, and not for any reward.. and also that I would do good works in secret, not telling them to anyone..Lord let me never be tempted to pride.

Prayer of St. Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

I find this quote by CS Lewis very insightful:

"the load, or weight, or burden of my neighbour's glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption as you now meet, if at all, only in nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.

There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization - these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously - no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner - no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbour is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat - the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden."

(CS Lewis, Weight of Glory).

Quotes from St. Faustina's Diary: Part 5

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Perfect Soul.

Soul: My Lord and Master, I desire to converse with You.

Jesus: Speak, My beloved child, for I am always listening. I wait for you. What do you desire to say?

Soul: Lord, first let me pour out my heart at Your feet in a fragrant anointing of gratitude for the many blessings which You lavish upon me; even if I wanted to, I could not count them. I only recall that there has never been a moment in my life in which I have not experienced Your protection and goodness.

Jesus: Your words please Me, and your thanksgiving opens up new treasures of graces. But, My child, we should talk in more detail about the things that lie in your heart. Let us talk confidentially and frankly, as two hearts that love one another do.

Soul: O my merciful Lord, there are secrets in my heart which no one knows or will ever know except You because, even if I wanted to reveal them, no one would understand me. Your minister knows some because I confess to him, but he knows only the bit of these mysteries that I am capable of revealing; the rest remains between us for eternity, O My Lord! You have covered me with the cloak of Your mercy, pardoning my sins. Not once did You refuse Your pardon; You always had pity on me, giving me a new life of grace. To prevent doubts, You have entrusted me to the loving care of Your Church, that tender mother, who in Your name assures me of the truths of faith and watches lest I wander. Especially in the tribunal of Your mercy does my soul meet an ocean of favors, although You did not give the fallen Angels time to repent or prolong their time of mercy. O my Lord, You have provided saintly priests to show me the sure way..

Jesus, there is one more secret in my life, the deepest and dearest to my heart: it is You yourself when You come to my heart under the appearance of bread. Herein lies the whole secret of my sanctity. Here my heart is so united with Yours as to be but one. There are no more secrets because all that is Yours is mine, and all that is mine is Yours. Such is the omnipotence and the miracle of Your mercy. All the tongues of men and of angels united could not find words adequate to this mystery to this mystery of Your love and mercy.

When I contemplate this mystery, my heart falls into a new ecstasy. In silence I tell You everything, Lord, because the language of love is without words, not a single stirring of my heart escapes You. O Lord, the extent of Your great condescension has awakened in my soul an even greater love for You, the sole object of my love. The life of union manifests itself in perfect purity, deep humility, gentle silence, and great zeal for the salvation of souls.

O my sweetest Lord, You watch over me each moment and inspire me as to how I should act in a precise situation, when my heart wavers between two things. You Yourself frequently intervened in the resolution of a difficulty. Countless times, by means of a sudden enlightment. You have given me to know what is the more pleasing to You.

Oh, how numerous are the instances of forgiveness about which no one knows! How often You have poured into my soul courage and perseverance to go forward. It is You yourself who removed obstacles from my road, intervening directly in the actions of people. O Jesus, everything I have said to You is but a pale shadow of what is taking place in my heart. O my Jesus, how ardently I desire the conversion of sinners! You know what I am doing for them to win them for You. Every offense against You wounds me deeply. I spare neither strength nor health, nor life itself in defense of Your kingdom. Although my efforts may remain invisible on earth, they are no less valuable in Your eyes.

O Jesus, I want to bring souls to the fount of Your mercy to draw the reviving water of life with the vessel of trust. The soul desirous of more of God's mercy should approach God with greater trust; and if her trust in God is unlimited, then the mercy of God toward it will be likewise limitless. O my God, Who know every beat of my heart, You know how eagerly I desire that all hearts would beat for You alone, that every soul glorify the greatness of Your mercy.

Jesus: My beloved child, delight of My Heart, your words are dearer and more pleasing to me than the angelic chorus. All the treasures of My Heart are open to you. Take from this Heart all that you need for yourself and for the whole world. For the sake of your love, I withhold the just chastisements, which mankind has deserved. A single act of pure love pleases Me more than a thousand imperfect prayers. One of your sighs of love atones for many offenses with which the godless overwhelms Me. The smallest act of virtue has unlimited value in My eyes because of your great love for Me. In a soul that lives on My love alone, I reign as in heaven. I watch over it day and night. In it I find My happiness; My ear is attentive to each request of its heart; often I anticipate its requests. O child, especially beloved by Me, apple of My eye, rest a moment near My Heart and taste of the love in which you will delight for all eternity.

But child, you are not yet in your homeland; so go fortified by My grace, and fight for My kingdom in human souls; fight as a king's child would; and remember that the days of your exile will pass quickly, and with them the possibility of earning merit for heaven. I expect from you, My child, a great number of souls who will glorify My mercy for all eternity. My child, that you may answer My call worthily, receive Me daily in Holy Communion. It will give you strength....

Jesus, do not leave me alone in suffering. You know Lord, how weak I am. I am an abyss of wretchedness, I am nothingness itself; so what will be so strange if You leave me alone and I fail? I am an infant Lord, so I cannot get along by myself. However, beyond all abandonment I trust, and in spite of what I feel. Do not lesson any of my sufferings, only give me strength to bear them. Do with me as You please, Lord, only give me the grace to be able to love You in every event and circumstance. Lord, do not lesson my cup of bitterness, only give me strength that I may be able to drink it all.

O Lord, sometimes You lift me up to the brightness of visions, and then again You plunge me into the darkness of night and the abyss of my nothingness, and my soul feels as if it were alone in the wilderness. Yet, above all things, I trust in You, Jesus, for You are unchangeable. My moods change, but You are always the same, full of mercy.

Jesus, source of life, sanctify me. O my strength, fortify me. my Commander, fight for me. Only light of my soul, enlighten me. My Master, guide me. I entrust myself to You as a little child does to its mother's love. Even if all things were to conspire against me, and even if the ground were to give way under my feet, I would be at peace close to Your Heart. You are always a most tender mother to me, and You surpass all mothers. I will sing of my pain to You by my silence, and You will understand me beyond any utterance...

Quotes from St. Faustina's Diary: Part 4

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Soul Striving after Perfection.

Jesus: I am pleased with your efforts, O soul aspiring for perfection, but why do I see you so often sad and depressed? Tell Me, My child, what is the meaning of this sadness, and what is its cause?

Soul: Lord, the reason for my sadness is that, in spite of my sincere resolutions, I fall again into the same faults. I make resolutions in the morning, but in the evening I see how much I have departed from them.

Jesus: You see what you are of yourself. The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons.

Soul: Yes, I know all that but the great temptations assail me, and various doubts waken within me and moreover, everything irritates and discourages me.

Jesus: My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are fruits of self love. You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love reign in place of your self love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy.

Soul: I understand what is the better thing to do, what pleases You more, but I encounter great obstacles in acting on this understanding.

Jesus: My child, life on earth is a struggle indeed; a great struggle for My kingdom. But fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you, so lean on Me as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw from the fountain of life - for yourself, but also for other souls, especially such as are distrustful of My goodness.

Soul: O Lord, I feel my heart being filled with Your love and the rays of Your mercy and love piercing my soul. I go, Lord, at Your command. I go to conquer souls. Sustained by Your grace, I am ready to follow You Lord, not only to Tabor, but also to Calvary. I desire to lead souls to the fount of Your mercy so that the splendor of Your mercy may be reflected in all souls, and the home of our Father be filled to overflowing. And when the enemy begins to attack me, I shall take refuge behind the shield of Your mercy.

quotes from St. Faustina's Diary: Part 3

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Suffering Soul.

Jesus: Poor soul, I see that you suffer much and that you so not have even the strength to converse with me. So I will speak to you. Even though your sufferings were very great, do not lose heart or give in to despondency. But tell Me, My child, who has dared to wound your heart? Tell Me about everything, be sincere in dealing with Me, reveal all the wounds of your heart. I will heal them, and your suffering will become a source of your sanctification.

Soul: Lord, my sufferings are so great and numerous and have lasted so long that I become discouraged.

Jesus: My child, do not be discouraged. I know your boundless trust in Me; I know you are aware of My goodness and mercy. Let us talk in detail about everything that weighs so heavily upon your heart.

Soul: There are so many different things that I do not know what to speak about first, nor how to express it.

Jesus: Talk to Me simply, as a friend to a friend. Tell Me now, My child, what hinders you from advancing in holiness?

Soul: Poor health detains me on the way to holiness. I cannot fulfill my duties. I am as useless as an extra wheel on a wagon. I cannot mortify myself or fast to any extent, as the saints did. Further more, nobody believes I am sick, so that mental pain is added to those of the body, and I am often humiliated. Jesus, how can anyone become holy in such circumstances?

Jesus: True, My child, all that is painful. But there is no way to heaven except the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest and surest way.

Soul: Lord, there is another obstacle on the road to holiness. Because I am faithful to You, I am persecuted and suffer much.

Jesus: It is because you are not of this world that the world hates you. First it persecuted Me. Persecution is a sign that you are following in My footsteps faithfully.

Soul: My Lord, I am also discouraged because neither my superiors nor my confessor understand my interior trials. A darkness clouds my mind. How can I advance? All this discourages me from striving for the heights of sanctity.

Jesus: Well, My child, this time you have told Me a great deal. I realize how painful it is not to be understood, and especially by those whom one loves and with whom one has been very open. But suffice it is to know that I understand all your troubles and misery. I am pleased by the deep faith you have, despite everything, in My representatives. Learn from this that no one will understand a soul entirely - that is beyond human ability. Therefore, I have remained on earth to comfort your aching heart and to fortify your soul, so that you will not falter on the way. You say that a dense darkness is obscuring your mind. But why, at such times, do you not come to Me, the light who can in an instant pour into your soul more understanding about holiness than can be found in any books? No confessor is capable of teaching and enlightening a soul this way.

Know, too, that the darkness about which you complain I first endured in the Garden of Olives when My Soul was crushed in mortal anguish. I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for you in heaven. A suffering soul is closest to My Heart.

Soul: One more thing, Lord. What should I do when I am ignored and rejected by people, especially by those on whom I had a right to count in times of greatest need?

Jesus: My child, make the resolution never to rely on people. Entrust yourself completely to My will saying, "Not as I want, but according to Your will, O God, let it be done unto me." These words, spoken from the depths of one's heart, can raise a soul to the summit of sanctity in a short time. In such a soul I delight. Such a soul gives Me glory. Such a soul fills heaven with the fragrance of her virtue. But understand that the strength by which you bear suffering comes from frequent Communions. So approach this fountain of mercy often, to draw with the vessel of trust whatever you need.

Soul: Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness in remaining with us in this exile as the God of mercy and blessing us with the radiance of Your compassion and goodness. It is through the light of Your mercy that I have come to understand how much You love me.

quotes from St. Faustina's Diary: Part 2

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Despairing Soul.

Jesus: O soul steeped in darkness, do not despair. All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy.

But the soul, deaf even to this appeal, wraps itself in darkness.

Jesus calls out again: My child, listen to the voice of your merciful Father.
In the soul arises this reply, "For me there is no mercy," and it falls into greater darkness, a despair which is a foretaste of hell and makes it unable to draw near to God.

Jesus calls to the souls a third time, but the soul remains deaf and blind, hardened and despairing. Then the mercy of God begins to exert itself, and, without any co-operation from the soul, God grants it final grace. If this too is spurned, God will leave the soul in this self chosen disposition for eternity. This grace emerges from the merciful Heart of Jesus and gives the soul a special light by means of which the soul begins to understand God's effort; but conversion depends on its own will. The soul knows that this, for her, is final grace and, should it show even a flicker of good will, the mercy of God will accomplish the rest.

My omnipotent mercy is active here. Happy the soul that takes advantage of this grace.

Jesus: What joy fills My Heart when you return to Me. Because you are weak, I take you in My arms and carry you to the home of My Father.

Soul: (as if awakening, asks fearfully): Is it possible that there is yet mercy for me?

Jesus: There is, My child. You have a special claim on My mercy. Let it act in your poor soul; let the rays of grace enter your soul; they bring with them light, warmth, and life.

Soul: But fear fills me at the thought of my sins, and this terrible fear moves me to doubt Your goodness.

Jesus: My child, all your sins have not wounded My Heart as painfully as your present lack of trust does - that after so many efforts of My love and mercy, you should still doubt My goodness.

Soul: O Lord, save me yourself, for I perish. Be my Savior. O Lord, I am unable to say anything more; my pitiful heart is torn asunder; but You, O Lord...

Jesus does not let the soul finish but, raising it from the ground, from the depths of its misery, he leads it into the recesses of His Heart where all its sins disappear instantly, consumed by the flames of love.

Jesus: Here, soul, are all the treasures of My Heart. Take everything you need from it.
Soul: O Lord, I am inundated with Your grace. I sense that a new life has entered into me and, above all, I feel Your love in my heart. That is enough for me. O Lord, I will glorify the omnipotence of Your mercy for all eternity. Encouraged by Your goodness, I will confide to You all the sorrows of my heart.

Jesus: Tell Me all, My child, hide nothing from Me because My loving Heart, the Heart of Your Best Friend is listening to you.

Soul: O Lord, now I see all my ingratitude and Your goodness. You were pursuing me with Your grace, while I was frustrating Your benevolence. I see that I deserve the depths of hell for spurning Your graces.

Jesus (interrupting): Do not be absorbed in your misery - you are still too weak to speak of it - but, rather, gaze on My Heart filled with goodness, and be imbued with My sentiments. Strive for meekness and humility; be merciful to others, as I am to you; and, when you feel your strength failing, if you come to the fountain of mercy to fortify your soul, you will not grow weary on your journey.

Soul: Now I understand Your mercy, which protects me and like a brilliant star, leads me into the home of my Father, protecting me from all the horrors of hell that I have deserved, not once, but a thousand times. O Lord, eternity will hardly suffice for me to give due praise to Your unfathomable mercy and Your compassion for me.

quotes from St. Faustina's Diary: part 1

The Goodness of God.
The mercy of God, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament, the voice of the Lord who speaks to us from the throne of mercy: Come to Me, all of you.

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Sinful Soul.
Jesus: Be not afraid of your Savior, O sinful soul. I make the first move to come to you, for I know that by yourself you are unable to lift yourself to me. Child, do not run away from your Father; be willing to talk openly with Your God of mercy who wants to speak words of pardon and lavish his graces on you. How dear your soul is to Me! I have inscribed your name upon My hand; you are engraved as a deep wound in My Heart.

Soul: Lord I hear Your voice calling me to turn back from the path of sin, but I have neither the strength nor the courage to do so.

Jesus: I am your strength, I will help you in the struggle.

Soul: Lord I recognize Your holiness and I fear You.

Jesus: My child, do you fear the God of mercy? My holiness does not prevent Me from being merciful. Behold. for you I have established a throne of mercy on earth - the tabernacle - and from this throne I desire to enter into your heart. I am not surrounded by a retinue of guards. You can come to Me at any moment, at any time; I want to speak to you and desire to grant you grace.

Soul: Lord, I doubt that You will pardon my numerous sins; my misery fills me with fright.

Jesus: My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire World. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed Myself to be nailed to the Cross; for you I let My Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue with Me about your wretchedness. You will give me pleasure if you hand over to Me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you the treasures of My grace.

Soul: You have conquered, O Lord, my stony heart with Your goodness. In trust and humility I approach the tribunal of Your mercy, where You yourself absolve me by the hand of your representative. O Lord, I feel Your grace and Your peace filling my poor soul. I feel overwhelmed by Your mercy, O Lord. You forgive me, which is more than I dared to hope for or could imagine. Your goodness surpasses all my desires. And now, filled with gratitude for so many graces, I invite You to my heart. I wandered, like a prodigal child gone astray; but You did not cease to be my Father. Increase Your mercy toward me, for You see how weak I am.

Jesus: Child, speak no more of your misery; it is already forgotten. Listen, My child, to what I desire to tell you. Come close to My wounds and draw from the Fountain of Life whatever your heart desires. Drink copiously from the Fountain of Life and you will not weary on your journey. Look at the splendors of My mercy and do not fear the enemies of your salvation. Glorify My mercy.

the Divine Mercy Chaplet

for some time now, i've felt that it's important to pray for the world.. for God to show His mercy to everyone.
"I do not want to punish mankind, but I desire to heal it, pressing it to My merciful Heart" (Jesus to St. Faustina)
i think a great prayer for this is the Divine Mercy Chaplet. it's such a powerful prayer. God has shown me that the promises attached to it, and to the entire DM devotion, are true.

From the Introduction to St. Faustina's "Divine Mercy in My Soul":

"this chaplet was dictated to St. Faustina by the Lord Jesus Christ Himself in Vilnius on Sept. 13-14, 1935.. by means of this prayer, the petitioners request "mercy on us and on the whole world", and by so doing, they perform a work of mercy. If the faithful add to this the foundation of trust and fulfill the conditions regarding every good prayer (humility, perseverence, matters in conformity with God's will), they can expect the fulfilment of Christ's promises which are particularly related to the hour of death: the grace of conversion and a peaceful death.

Not only will the people who say the chaplet receive these graces, but also the dying at whose side others will recite this prayer. the Lord said: "When this chaplet is said by the bedside of a dying person, God's anger is placated, unfathomable mercy envelops the soul" (Diary, 811). The general promise says: "It pleases Me to grant everything they ask of Me by saying this chaplet...if what you ask for is compatible with My will" (Diary 1541, 1731). For, anything that is not compatible with God's will is not good for people, especially for their eternal happiness.

On a different occasion, Jesus said, "...by saying the chaplet you are bringing humankind closer to Me" (Diary 929). "the souls that say this chaplet will be embraced by My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death" (Diary, 754).

THE DIVINE MERCY CHAPLET
(recited on rosary beads)

+In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit+

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the Fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

I believe in God, the Father almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit, and born of the Virgin Mary. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried. He descended to the dead. On the third day He rose again. He ascended into Heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.

("then, on the "our Father" beads, you will say the following words":)

Eternal Father, I offer You, the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity, of Your dearly beloved Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

("on the "hail Mary" beads you will say the following words":)

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

("In conclusion three times you will say these words":)

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

click to see better:

thankful for God's infinite mercy

i'm just amazed at how merciful and forgiving God is.
something happened to me a while ago..
the whole day, God was blessing me in so many ways..i felt so close to Him.. i found it easier than usual to resist sin.. at one point, i went into a church and prayed a bit before the Blessed Sacrament, and it was so amazing because i could literally feel His presence there.. i didn't want to leave.
and then near the evening, i had such a great quiet time with Jesus.
but then.. somehow it happened that i sinned. i sinned deliberately, with my consent, knowing that it would hurt God, but still doing it. and with full knowledge. so that means i commmitted a mortal sin. i put myself above God, even though He had showed me so much love that day.
right afterwards.. i was hit with the realization of what i had done, and how much i had hurt God. i don't think i always realize what my sins do to God.. but that day i did. i think He wanted to show me. it was so painful, i just kept on crying.. i don't know how long i cried. it really felt like hell. i just kept on asking Him to forgive me, and promised i'd confess this as soon as i'm catholic..
oki to be honest i didn't believe He would forgive me. i completely lost hope that evening. my sin just looked too big! i forgot that His mercy is greater than our sins and greater than the sins of the entire world.. i forgot that He endured so much pain on the Cross so that we could be forgiven..

but then.. suddenly.. i just KNEW that God wants to forgive me and wants to show me mercy. i felt Him tell me so clearly that He forgives me. i couldn't believe it. in fact i kept on asking Him for forgiveness after this because i couldn't understand how this could be. but..He showed me again that i was forgiven, and took the sense of guilt away. now, i know that i'll have to confess this sin to the priest, as i promised i would, and honestly i can't wait for the day it will be gone forever..but i think that today, God gave me real contrition..i read somewhere that mortal sins could be forgiven without confession if you're given perfect contrition, i don't know if mine was perfect or not but.. it definitely did not come from myself. and by giving me contrition and allowing me to repent, He showed me mercy!! WOW... i almost can't believe that i could hurt Jesus SO much, after He was so kind and loving, and He would take me back. i felt like the prodigal son. (daughter ;))

what this experience taught me, and the reason why i'm writing about it here, is this:

that day, God showed me that He really meant it when He said that He is love and mercy. in realizing this, i don't want to sin any more, because i don't want to hurt someone who loves me THAT much.. more than His own life.. how often do i reflect on Christ's Passion? i definitely need to do this more... yet i guess i'll sin again sometime :( cause i'm so weak. maybe this is good to remember, for humility. i pray that i'd sin less though.

but..really God is soo merciful.. i hope i won't ever forget this or lose hope in His mercy, like i did that day.

Jesus to St. Faustina:
"My daughter, do you think you have written enough about My mercy? What you have written is but a drop compared to the ocean. I am Love and Mercy itself...
Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul"

my fear

(something i typed up yesterday..)

sometimes people tell me that i'm wasting my time thinking so much about God, and ask me why i can't instead think about "normal" (ie: worldly) things. they make it sound like i have some sort of disease, and even feel sorry for me. maybe they think that i'm wasting time on "religion", being stuck in old stuffy buildings (lol) when "others" are "enjoying life". thy esay that "time passes quickly", and that before i realize it, i'll be old, bitter, and regretful that i've never "Really lived" in my youth..they make it sound like i should be worldly now, and wait until i'm 40 or 50 to attend church, pray, etc. when they say "really living", no doubt they mean partying, etc. seriously, they make it sound like being a "nominal" lukewarm Christian is the only "sensible" thing at my age, and everything else, anything more than that, is somehow a disorder.

right when people say things like this, doubt and fear enter my mind.. and i think, what IF they're right? what if all my experience of God is nothing but delusion, and i really do have some sort of personality disorder or a "religious addiction".. what if i've simply imagined my relationship with Jesus.. but NO i will not let myself think these thoughts. because deep inside, i know with all my heart that God is real and that His love is real. He told St. Faustina that His love "deceives noone".

But Lord i am so tired of people looking at me with pity because of my faith. it's so hard when these people are in your family, or in your group of close friends.. Jesus You know how it's like to be lonely, like there is no one who will ever understand your heart. but is this not what so many people long for.. to have someone who will take the time to look within you with love and compassion and truly understand you. my dear Jesus i have found this person in You. let the world think i'm crazy...i know that Your love is real, and that it is truly like nothing else that i've ever experienced, or can experience, and i trust You. You are everything to me, and every beat of my heart belongs to You my Jesus. i'm just sad because i sense that when my family thinks this about me, they are worried and upset.. because they do care about me.. and i don't want to cause them anxiety or pain. but..i think people simply misunderstand how i feel about You. some of them do know what Your love is like, but they criticize my approach to faith. this hurts me deeply every time, and i cry, but i try to forgive them. (please help me Lord) my faith is very personal to me, and shaped by so many things that are a part of me, and when people criticize it - or worse yet, make fun of it - it's hard to deal with.

Lord maybe this is coming from something specific in my life.. maybe it's coming from my sinfulness and struggles to follow You in my actions, which possibly makes me look like some Pharisee religious hypocrite. but Lord..You know my heart! You know how much i try. yes i am a big sinner.. but i am a sinner who trusts in Your great mercy, with hope that goes against all hope. and Jesus i pray with all my heart that You would help me overcome my sins, by Your grace, and allow me to follow You in everything i do.. help me be better this year, and to follow the things You are telling me to do, even though i sometimes feel afraid because they require so much self sacrifice and effort. i am weak but YOU ARE STRONG, be strong for me.

but my Jesus..i thank You that You know my heart so well.
Lord maybe these people are trying to find happiness in the world.. but You said that it can only be found in You. and i believe You. even though so often i look for happiness in this world too. (only to be disappointed) and i will speak of You with love and i pray i will not be afraid to share the gospel, in my words AND actions, that they may perhaps see it too. and i must not forget that prayer and sacrifice does more than our words ever can (st therese)
Lord i "weave thousands of garlands, and i know they will all blossom...when God's sun will shine on them."
let them blossom into beautiful flowers for You my Jesus!

some songs i like

Deeper (Hillsong United)

Light of men
Love of God
Healing for the wounded heart
Like a child I quiet my soul
Hear Your voice surround me Lord

Jesus, hold me into Your heart
Into Your heart
Lord my soul delights
And I know You hear my prayer
Take me deeper Lord

Glorious Son to You I shall bow
Bow my knee, bow my will
Cherished by the strong and the weak
Humble hearts shall hear You speak

By Your love Lord You opened my heart
Now Your light will shine always
By Your Word Lord Your promise secure
And my soul will live always

Take me deeper Lord (2x)

More than a Friend (Jeremy Riddle)

In the quiet of my soul
In the stillness I hear Your voice call
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You

Chorus:
Jesus You're more than a friend
Jesus You're more than my heart could ever express
Your love and Your grace never fail me
Your merciful touch always heals me
You bring joy to my soul

My heart longs to worship You my King
And I long to bring You a pleasing offering
And I am overwhelmed
And I am lost for words
To describe You

Christ be our Light

this is such a beautiful video..

sometimes i wonder..

..what it's like to be a nun. especially a Carmelite. lol i've been reading a lot about nuns lately :) (i mean people like St. Therese, St. Faustina, St. Teresa of Avila, etc)
it seems like such a beautiful life
difficult, sometimes painful even, but all for God

"Whom have I ever despised that loved Me?"

i read this yesterday in my St. Liguori book (Practice of the Love of Jesus Christ) and actually it made me cry. sometimes i have this fear.. what if i'll spend my life loving God and following Him, but in the end He will reject me anyway.. like if i leave Orthodoxy.. i don't know i've heard that a lot from many people and read that in articles too.
and it's so amazing to realize that ..no, God really looks at my heart.. that He won't reject me if i don't reject Him.. and that i can ALWAYS know that He loves me, because He has loved me even till death.. on the cross, tortured and beaten and forsaken.. wow.. how can i still not trust Him fully, after all that?! forgive me Lord..

"Nothing can so terrify us, as much as Jesus Christ can reassure us. Let my sins surround me, let my fears of the future accuse me, let the demons lay their snares for me. As long as I beg mercy of Jesus Christ, who is all kindness, who has loved me even until death, I cannot lose confidence; for I see myself so highly prized that a God gave Himself for me.
My Jesus, safe haven for those who seek you out in the storm; my vigilant shepherd, those who do not trust You are deceiving themselves, if only they have the will to amend their lives. That is why You said: Here I am, don't be afraid: I am He who troubles and who consoles. Sometimes I put persons in scenes of desolation that seem like hell; but then I pull them out and console them. I am your advocate; I have made your cause My own. I am your guarantor; I have come to pay your debts. I am your Lord, who redeemed you with My blood, not to abandon you, but to enrich you, having ransomed you at a great price. How shall I flee from those who seek Me, when I went forth to meet those who sought to outrage Me? I did not turn away My face from those who struck Me; and shall I turn it from those who would adore Me? How can My children doubt that I love them, seeing Me in the hands of My enemies out of love for them? Whom have I ever despised that loved Me? Whom have I ever abandoned that sought my help? I go out in search even of those who do not seek Me."
John of Avila

don't want to forget this..

around a week ago i visited Canada's capital, Ottawa. one of the highlights was the Notre Dame cathedral. http://www.notredameottawa.com/
it was SUCH an amazing experience for me. i went to Sunday Mass, and then stayed for a couple of hours to pray.. at one point, i took some pictures :) oki i was only going to take a few but before i knew it i had around 50.

this church has the most beautiful side altars. one dedicated to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and one to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

before Mass, i said the novena to St. Therese.. and then when i came into the cathedral i saw her statue beside the Sacred Heart altar :) and she was holding roses. that made me smile.

most of all, this visit was just very spiritually moving for me.
after Mass, i lit a candle at the Sacred Heart altar, and knelt down before it to pray. there were lots of people praying there.. at one point there was a whole family with ..maybe 5 sisters, around my age, and they all held hands while praying. then there was a lady at the Mary altar who must have said the whole rosary. what i really liked was that there was a crucifix near the Sacred Heart altar..i spent half my time there just looking at it and trying to understand how much pain our Lord went through for us :( it was a powerful experience for me. some people laid their hands on it while they prayed, and one girl kissed Christ's feet on the crucifix. :) but what made it all really special for me..is that i felt SOO close to God there. i can't describe it.. it was like how i feel around the Sacraments or at Adoration. it's like God was inside of me..and i was completely filled with the Holy Spirit, and i was united to Him. i was totally overcome with peace, and joy, and most of all, love.. i knew i was loved and welcomed, i felt like Jesus was glad that i was there to visit Him. i felt that so much when i was kneeling beside that altar and praying. that's actually how i remembered that the Eucharist is present in the church, it's like in my heart i instantly knew and felt that, even if in my mind i forgot. it was so awesome. i didn't want to leave. lol the only reason i left is because we (my family) were all going on a tour of Parliament Hill.. i actually stayed behind for a few moments after my family left, and - at that time there were very few people in the church.. so it was just me and God, basically. i so didn't want to leave lol. i said bye and touched the crucifix for one moment lol and then had to run after my family, cause i was already so far behind.

so this experience is definitely something i'll never ever forget.

when i came back home, i still felt very close to God. for some reason, i just wanted to spend time with Him and to console His Heart for all the sin and unbelief in the world.. and my own sin.. i found it very easy to pray and worship.. and i felt so much remorse for my sins. i didn't know this was at the same time that professor Myers was desecrating the Eucharist!! :(( i wonder if other people felt that way too during those couple of days.
my Jesus..dear Lord how much pain you suffer day by day for our sake.. and how much you endured during Your sorrowful Passion. let me never forget this and give me the grace to love You always and to never stop loving You. amen.

the healing power of God's mercy

Something happened to me a couple of days ago, and it taught me an important lesson. I want to tell this story to bring glory to God's mercy and to encourage everyone to trust in Him. I don't always trust God, but I really should ;) I was taught that Jesus always desires to show us mercy, but it's up to us to receive it or to reject it.. and the way we accept it is by trusting in His mercy. It's a simple message but sometimes we forget.. I know I do!

Here's what happened to me... a couple of days ago, I think I was really spiritually attacked. I'm usually an optimistic, positive person, but that day I was dealing with all kinds of temptations, doubts, and fears. At one point, I almost became an atheist!! This really scared me. The temptation to leave my faith was very overwhelming. I imagined myself as an atheist.. telling my family that.."I guess I'm just not into all this anymore.." and taking down the things in my 'prayer corner', like old childhood toys that i outgrew :( I know it was only God's grace that kept me from taking this step - surely it would have been a step into hell. I resolved to stay with God no matter what and kept on asking Him to protect me and to not let me go. I just kept on repeating that. He did not. :) and the temptation went away.

but later on that evening, I felt like I had lost all hope in God and fell into despair. My whole life seemed so bleak and there was nothing in my future but misery and disappointment. I'm rarely like this, so I seriously think this was an attack - it did not seem to come from me at all, although I did encourage these thoughts and didn't try to stop them. I felt so much pain inside though; I don't even know why. I couldn't find consolation anywhere. I started worrying about everything..about myself, and others, my family, friends, and about all kinds of things that are going on right now...I felt that nothing would turn out well. I really felt like God had abandoned me and wouldn't take care of me.

So then I went upstairs to my room and knelt at my 'prayer corner'. I was crying and begged God to help me. I felt like I was only a little bit away from losing my faith altogether. Then, for some reason, I picked up my "Divine Mercy in My Soul" book.. and opened it on a random page. It was a page that I had never read before. I saw these words, spoken by Jesus to St. Faustina:

"For you, I am mercy itself; therefore I ask you to offer Me your misery and this very helplessness of yours, and, in this way, you will delight My Heart.
My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy, graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy, and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain. My daughter, I desire that your heart be an abiding place of My mercy. I desire that this mercy flow out upon the whole world through your heart. Let no one who approaches you go away without that trust in My mercy which I so ardently desire for souls...
...Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul"

when I read this, I felt like Jesus was telling me these same words. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at that moment. I knew that all I had to do was trust Him, and everything would be alright. I decided to do that. And suddenly, in an INSTANT, all my pain, doubt, temptation, etc..went away. I was surprised at how quickly God healed me of everything..I was battling all these thoughts for HOURS, and nothing helped, and God took everything away instantly!! This was definitely a lesson to not rely on my own strength. I felt like I had awoken from a dream, everything was suddenly so clear and obvious..! I wondered how I had ever slipped into despair, when the truth was right in front of me.

After this, I felt soo much joy, I couldn't stop smiling. I also felt incredible peace. I mean, it was truly incredible. I couldn't believe it. I asked God...why did this happen? And I felt like this was all because of His mercy; because of His love and mercy, He healed me. And I realized that I could keep this peace, if I only keep on trusting Him. Indeed, whenever I turned to God with trust that evening..and gave Him all of my fears, doubts, etc...I felt that awesome sense of peace. It wasn't just an absense of worry, but something much greater. It was definitely a gift from God.

all the things that Jesus said about trusting Him, and everything He said about His love and mercy and faithfulness, He MEANT it. Sometimes when we go through difficult times we stop trusting God and we don't truly believe that He would help us. I think this experience was given to me so that I would see that everything He said IS real. It's not just words. He wasn't lying when He said that He will take care of souls that trust in His mercy, and grant them everything they need for salvation. Sometimes He does allow us to feel afraid and confused, and sometimes He doesn't let us feel His presence, but that is so that we would learn to trust..and no matter what we go through, it should not rob us of the peace we have in Christ. We have to hold on to that by faith..