prayer

(i'm posting this so that i may remember how far i still have to go in loving God)

my Jesus
You did not turn away from suffering, but obeyed the Father, and loved to the end..
when i suffer..my pain is nothing compared to Yours..but so often i complain
and how many times i've prefered my own comfort to following You!
how little i must love You then..if i'm not willing to endure pain for Your sake, even after all You've done for me,
to pick up my cross and follow You..
i am sorry Lord..see how i cry because i love You so little, have mercy on me..
please make me love You fully
even if it will hurt me
that wouldn't matter, because You are my only Treasure
let me love as You have loved
let me not turn away from any suffering, but offer it to You
let me understand Your Passion, even if i'll have to share in it

change my heart.. so that:
i'd want the crown of thorns more than the crown of gold
i'd want the cross more than all the pleasures and riches of this world
i'd count it a blessing to suffer as You did..but not count myself worthy
i'd rather be humiliated than praised by others (i even fear asking for this!)
i'd always be obedient and totally surrendered to Your holy will
when i am misunderstood, or lonely, let it bring me closer to You
and then i will rejoice in my suffering
change my heart so that i'd rather give than receive
how can i live in comfort and luxury while my Lord was stripped of His garments
and tortured, for love of me?
no servant is greater than his Master
help me love the poor, and see You in them
and be ready to give up anything for You, counting all things as loss compared to You

Lord i offer You my poor heart, so selfish and proud and vain
i beg You.. change it to the pure heart of a child
that i may be simple and humble and do only Your will..most of all, i ask for love
it is the greatest gift
..help me love

Lord all this seems so unattainable..
but this i know: all things are possible with You
i dont think i can ever be like the Saints
but i ask this..help me love You with ALL MY HEART
and that would be enough for me
i'm not asking for great deeds or great sanctity or glory in heaven..(You are my Heaven)
but for GREAT LOVE
and let YOUR will be done in my life

today You gave me a great grace..
thank You Jesus because i know this brings me closer to You
thank You for answering my prayer
take me further..
and give me the grace to always love and adore You

i repeat St. Liguori's prayer:
"May the sorrows of Jesus, the ignominies of Jesus, the wounds of Jesus, the death of Jesus, the love of Jesus thrust themselves into my heart, and may their sweet memory remain there forever to wound me continually and inflame me with love.
I love You, my Jesus; I love You, my sovereign good; I love You, my love, more then my entire being: I love You, and I want that love for You to last forever."


amen.

i need to learn to do this..

i realized today that sometimes i don't feel that i do enough for God. i kept on thinking about this...what does He want me to do..and how much..

I thought..maybe, just..do what you can with love and God would be pleased. use every opportunity you can get, whether big or small. be ready to serve God in any way He asks you to, no matter how difficult (..something i greatly struggle with). help the poor, comfort the lonely, feed the hungry, pray for the lost.

it does not matter how great our deeds are, but how much love we put into them. "it raises our smallest actions into infinity". whatever we do that's for God, He will use it...and maybe make something great out of it in the future. we need to trust Him.

helping even one person makes Jesus smile because each person is precious to Him.

attributes of God

(just a list i came up with one day while thinking..what is Jesus like..who is He?)

..merciful
Savior
unconditionally loving
rest for our souls
Prince of Peace
victorious over death and darkness
forgiving
His love is infinite
loves us more than His own life
compassionate
won't ever give up on us
humble
accepts ANYONE who comes to Him
totally understanding
patient
gives eternal life
Holy
pure, sinless
caring
kind
gentle
Healer
not like the world
longs for us to know His love
loves us passionately, not in a general disinterested way
brings joy
brings hope
friend of sinners
friend of the forgotten, the broken, the suffering, the lonely
our Best Friend
our Lord and King
His heart is full of love for each of us
powerful, mighty to save
unchanging
all knowing
faithful
keeps promises
honest, never lies
encouraging
has a plan and hope for each person
just
His ways are not our ways
trustworthy
His grace is enough
Creator
generous
teaches us to love others
not selfish, loves us to the point of self sacrifice
loves us in truth and actions, not just words
rejoices when we come to Him!
waits for us
can change us, helps us overcome sin
would never drive us away
looks at our hearts, not just at words and externals
does everything for a reason
knows exactly what we need
would still have died for you even if you were the only person on earth

is more than we can imagine!!

Jesus is love :)

AMAZING article about what Church is

http://www.catholic.org/national/national_story.php?id=28724&page=1

i think it's very true..and so eloquent, well put. it really made me think.

i was never much into "megachurches", or the ones where they just try to entertain people.. i understand what they're trying to do, but it's not for me. i'm not saying they don't help anyone though. probably there are many people for whom "megachurches" are a good introduction to Christianity.

i really like the churches where it's just some people seeking God and studying His word, worshipping Him.. a church that's focused on Christ, not on entertaining large numbers of people. there are churches of this sort in all denominations (and non denom ;)).. it really depends on the leadership i guess.

God has brought me to a church that is big and universal.. but not "people pleasing".. ancient, liturgical, yet open to renewal and not 'stuck in the past' so much that it can't ever be relevant. so i'm very thankful for that, and it feels like home, although it didn't always. i used to want a really 'modern' style church, but now i actually like the Catholic/Orthodox churches too..

i can really relate to what that article is saying about what the Church means. it's much more than what i thought in the past.

some of my favourite Catholic prayers and devotions

i love catholic prayers!! when i say them they help so much.

Spiritual Communion Prayer

My Jesus, I believe that You are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated from You.

The Rosary:
http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/rosary2.htm
Irresistible Novena:
http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/rosary6.htm



The Divine Mercy Chaplet:
http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm

Prayer while visiting the Most Blessed Sacrament:

My Lord Jesus Christ, for the love which You bear to men, You remain night and day in this Sacrament full of compassion and of love, awaiting, calling, and welcoming all who come to visit You. I believe that You are present in the Sacrament of the Altar: I adore You from the abyss of my nothingness, and I thank You for all the graces which You have bestowed upon me and in particular for having given me Yourself in this Sacrament, for having given me your holy Mother Mary for my advocate, and for having called me to visit You in this chapel. I now salute
Your most loving Heart: and this for three ends:
1. In thanksgiving for this great gift;
2. To make amends to You for all the outrages which You receive in this Sacrament from all Your enemies;
3. I intend by this visit to adore You in all the places on earth in which You are the least revered and the most abandoned.

My Jesus, I love You with all my heart. I grieve for having so many times offended Your infinite goodness. I promise with Your grace never more to offend You in the future.
Now, miserable and unworthy though I be, I consecrate myself to You without reserve;
I give You my entire will, my affections, my desires, and all that I possess. From now on dispose of me and of all that I have as You please. All that I ask of You and desire is Your holy love, final perseverance, and the perfect accomplishment of Your will. I recommend to You the souls in purgatory; but especially those who had the greatest devotion to the most Blessed Sacrament and to the Blessed Virgin Mary. I also recommend to You all poor sinners.

My dear Saviour, I unite all my affections with the affections of Your most loving Heart; and I offer them, thus united, to Your eternal Father, and beseech Him in Your name to vouchsafe, for Your love, to accept them.
Amen.



For the intercession of St. Michael:

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.



Morning prayer written by St. Therese

O my God! I offer Thee all my actions of this day for the intentions and for the glory of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I desire to sanctify every beat of my heart, my every thought, my simplest works, by uniting them to Its infinite merits; and I wish to make reparation for my sins by casting them into the furnace of Its Merciful Love.

O my God! I ask of Thee for myself and for those whom I hold dear, the grace to fulfill perfectly Thy Holy Will, to accept for love of Thee the joys and sorrows of this passing life, so that we may one day be united together in heaven for all Eternity.

Amen.

An Act of Consecration to the Sacred Heart of Jesus:

I give myself and consecrate to the Sacred Heart of our Lord Jesus Christ, my person and my life, my actions, pains and sufferings, so that I may be unwilling to make use of any part of my being other than to honor, love and glorify the Sacred Heart. This is my unchanging purpose, namely, to be all His, and to do all things for the love of Him, at the same time renouncing with all my heart whatever is displeasing to Him. I therefore take You, O Sacred heart, to be the only object of my love, the guardian of my life, my assurance of salvation, the remedy of my weakness and inconstancy, the atonement for all the faults of my life and my sure refuge at the hour of death.
Be then, O Heart of goodness, my justification before God the Father, and turn away from me the strokes of his righteous anger. O Heart of love, I put all my confidence in You, for I fear everything from my own wickedness and frailty, but I hope for all things from Your goodness and bounty.

Remove from me all that can displease You or resist Your holy will; let your pure love imprint Your image so deeply upon my heart, that I shall never be able to forget You or to be separated from You.

May I obtain from all Your loving kindness the grace of having my name written in Your Heart, for in You I desire to place all my happiness and glory, living and dying in bondage to You.

Amen.

Novena to St. Therese

St. Therese, the little flower, pick me a rose from the heavenly garden and send it to me with a message of love. Ask God to grant the favor I implore and tell him I will love him each day more and more.Amen

Say this prayer for five days along with (5) Our Fathers, (5) Hail Marys and (5) Glory Be's. On the 5th day say this sequence plus an additional (5) Our Fathers, (5) Hail Marys and (5) Glory Be's.

Sacred Heart of Jesus devotion:
http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/heart/index.htm
http://www.miraclerosarymission.org/shj.htm
http://www.fisheaters.com/sh.html

Morning Offering to the Sacred Heart

O Jesus, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I offer You my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day for all the intentions of Your Sacred Heart, in union with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass throughout the world, in reparation for my sins, for the intentions of all our associates, and in particular for the intentions of our Holy Father for this month.

'miraculous medal':
http://www.amm.org/medal.asp

St. Benedict medal:
http://www.osb.org/gen/medal.html

Prayer for souls in Purgatory

Eternal Father,
I offer Thee the Most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus,
in union with the Masses said throughout the world today,
for all the Holy Souls in Purgatory,
for sinners everywhere,
for sinners in the Universal Church,
those in my own home and within my family.

Amen.

http://www.ourladyswarriors.org/prayer/purgator.htm

"We must not forget that at Fatima the Angel personally taught the three shepherd children the beautiful Eucharistic prayer of reparation, which we ought to learn: “O most holy Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I adore You profoundly, and I offer You the most precious Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ, present in all the tabernacles of the world, in reparation for the outrages, sacrileges and indifference with which He is offended. And through the infinite merits of His most Sacred Heart and of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I beg of You the conversion of poor sinners.”

beautiful picture of the Virgin Mary

Memorare
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.

Amen.

thoughts on Communion...

last night i was thinking that probably very soon i'll be able to receive the Eucharist??? maybe this autumn/winter..spring? lol. and suddenly i realized what a BIG DEAL that is. i really don't feel ready, i definitely don't feel worthy, i don't think i CAN be worthy.. how can i be worthy of the Body and Blood of my Lord?? no it's such a gift..completely undeserved. i'm so small..and He's the King of Kings. so i want to put preparation into this.. i want to go to confession the day before and confess EVERYTHING - and i'm afraid because some of my sins are really bad..i mean i'm ashamed of them and i hate admitting them even to myself. this is SOO silly but i'm actually nervous of what the priest is going to think of me - maybe that's just my pride?? he's probably heard it all before though. (at least that's what people have been telling me!) but still...i'll go to confession.. i can't wait for that moment when my soul will be perfectly clean..i was thinking the other day how the Blood of Jesus doesn't just cover up our sins (as i've been told before), no, it washes them away completely. God has been showing me what awesome grace there is in confession..that it's really a Sacrament. soo..i can't wait! (even though i'm scared lol)

another thing.. in the past, when i took Communion at my family's Orthodox church, i don't think i really had the right approach to it. when i received the Eucharist, i was thinking about how it would feel like, etc, and a part of me wondered if i'll have any sort of spiritual experience.. and it's funny i didn't get anything. i mean i knew it was the real Eucharist, Christ's Body and Blood, but i didn't approach it in the right way.

Yesterday, I decided that when..if.. i'll take Communion at the Catholic church, i'm not going to think about me. i mean..when i'll receive the Eucharist, i'll be receiving Jesus into myself..literally..it will be total union, in the closest way possible.. so i was thinking yesterday, how at that moment, i just want to give Him all the love that i'm capable of giving. i read somewhere that as long as we have this intention, He will receive this love. instead of thinking, how i'll feel after Communion, i should think...how will it be like for HIM? i think it was in St. Faustina's diary.. that Jesus told her that He enters some souls as into a second Passion. :( but i think if someone receives the Eucharist, completely free of sin, with a pure heart that beats for Him alone, waits for Him alone, loves Him alone.. if they welcome Jesus and embrace Him.. i think this is what He really longs for when He comes to us in the Blessed Sacrament. this is what He intended. the purpose is not to get some sort of spiritual experience for ourselves.. but to please His Heart, to make this Heaven for Him.

i love what St. Therese of Lisieux said about her first Communion..

"My First Communion will always be a perfect memory, and I am sure I could not have been better prepared than I was. Do you remember the wonderful little book you have me three months before the great day? It was set out so beautifully and prepared me surely step by step; even though I had been thinking for so long about my First Communion, I had to renew my ardor and fill my heart with freshly gathered flowers. So every day, I made many sacrifices and acts of love, which were transformed into flowers; some were violets and roses, others cornflowers and daisies and forget-me-nots. I wanted all the flowers on earth to cradle Jesus in my heart...

...How lovely it was, that first kiss of Jesus in my heart - it was truly a kiss of love. I knew that I was loved and said, "I love You, and I give myself to You forever". Jesus asked for nothing, He claimed no sacrifice. Long before that, He and little Therese had seen and understood one another well, but on that day it was more than a meeting - it was a complete fusion. We were no longer two, for Therese had disappeared like a drop of water lost in the mighty ocean. Jesus alone remained - the Master and the King. Had she not asked Him to take away her liberty, the liberty she feared? She felt so weak and frail that she wanted to unite herself forever to His Divine Strength. And her joy became so vast, so deep, that now it overflowed. Soon she was weeping, to the astonishment of her companions, who said to one another later on: "why did she cry? was there something on her conscience? perhaps it was because her mother was not there, or the Carmelite sister she loves so much". It was beyond them that all the joy of Heaven had entered one small, exiled heart, and that it was too frail and weak to bear it without tears. As if the absense of my mother could make me unhappy on the day of my First Communion! As all Heaven entered my soul when I received Jesus, my mother came to me as well. Nor could I cry because you were not there, we were closer than ever before. It was joy alone, deep ineffable joy that filled my heart.

...There seemed to be a veil of melancholy over the day that followed. My dresses, lovely as they were, and my presents - these could never fill my heart. Jesus alone could do that, and I longed for the wonderful moment when He would come a second time. This was on Ascension Day, when I had the joy of kneeling at the altar rails between Father and my darling Marie. Again there were tears of indescribable joy upon my cheeks, while I murmured time and time again the words of St. Paul: "I live, now not I, but Christ liveth in me". (Gal. 2:20)

After this second visit of Our Lord, I longed for nothing but to receive Him. This was allowed on all the major feasts, but how far apart they seemed. Marie used to prepare me on the eve of these great days, just as she had done for my First Communion, and once I remember she spoke of suffering and said she was sure that God would always carry me like a little child and not make me tread that path. These words came back to me after Communion the next day, and I was convinced that there was many a cross in store for me. Then my soul was filled with such a flood of consolation as I have never had in all my life. Suffering began to attract me; I found charms in it which captivated me without yet fully understanding it. I felt another great desire: to love God only and find my joy in Him alone. Often during my thanksgivings, I repeated the passage from the Imitation: "O Jesus! unspeakable sweetness, turn earthly consolations into bitterness for me". These words came to my lips without any effort. I said them as a child recites what someone it loves has prompted, without fully grasping what it means."

wow, how many graces God offers us in the Eucharist!! i'm ready to believe that St. Therese through Communion. i really hope and pray that once i'll be able to receive the Eucharist, God would help me to obey Him better and grow in love for Him.

for my first Communion at the Catholic church.. i just want to come to God as a little child, and receive Jesus into my heart giving Him all the love i have.
i feel like this is difficult for me though because i dont have enough humility.. i'll really need God to give me some special grace to be able to receive the Eucharist properly.. not like i did before in the EO church.

From St. Faustina's Diary:

"November 19. After Communion today, Jesus told me how much He desires to come to human hearts. I desire to unite Myself with human souls; My great delight is to united Myself with souls. Know, My daughter, that when I come to a human heart in Holy Communion, My hands are full of all kinds of graces which I want to give to the soul. But souls do not even pay any attention to Me; they leave Me to Myself and busy themselves with other things. Oh, how sad I am that souls do not recognize love! They treat Me as a dead object. I answered Jesus, “O Treasure of my heart, the only object of my love and entire delight of my soul, I want to adore You in my heart as You are adored on the throne of Your eternal glory. My love wants to make up to You at least in part for the coldness of so great a number of souls. Jesus, behold my heart which is for You a dwelling place to which no one else has entry. You alone repose in it as in a beautiful garden."

Christ's suffering

i was talking to someone recently, about how some Christians think it's wrong to really think about Christ's pain and suffering on the Cross. they say that since He is now risen, we shouldn't dwell on this too much, and there was "more to His life". i'm kind of puzzled by this to be honest because it is the Cross that has redeemed us. and He went through all that pain for our sake. if i had a friend who went through a lot of suffering out of love for me, and afterwards i didn't want to speak about it to anyone or even think about it, wouldn't that really hurt my friend? i also met some people who believe that it is wrong to have any images of Jesus on the Cross, (like the crucifix) because to them it implies that He never rose from the dead..they say that instead, we should only display the empty cross in our churches. this i also disagree with (although i understand this view), because churches that have crucifixes (such as Catholic or Orthodox), definitely do believe in the Resurrection.. we recite this in the Creed at every Mass: "He..was crucified, died and was buried. He descended to the dead. On the third day He rose again. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living and the dead". :)
the point of the crucifix is just to help us remember the pain He endured for our sake.. it's just a visual reminder. i have a little crucifix in my room, and i've found it helpful.

i think God has been showing me lately that it is really important for us to often reflect on Christ's Passion. all the Saints did this, and received many graces as a result. but we shouldn't just do that in hopes of receiving something.. we should think about His suffering simply out of love for Him. Jesus endured everything for us.. physical torture, loneliness, betrayal, He was mocked, beaten, nailed to a cross..He felt abandoned by His Father (i can't imagine how much pain He suffered then..)

and at ANY moment, He could have ended it all. He could have went back to Heaven, He could have forced the people to let Him go, or to worship Him.. He could have changed their hearts in a moment. But He stayed on the Cross, He endured the unimaginable pain to the end, simply out of His infinite love for us. And His love truly is infinite.. He had enough love to die for each of us a thousand times, if that had been necessary. CS Lewis once said that..even if you were the only person in the world, He still would have died for you. isn't that amazing?? that's the love of our Savior.. and all this time, He knew that most of the human race would not believe in Him...He knew that in return for His love, He would receive so much hatred, so many insults, and that people would still mock Him after His death.. and He knew that even after He had shown me so much kindness and mercy, and gave me faith to believe in Him, i would still sin against Him deliberately and hurt Him over and over. :( But He still loved..

do we really think about what He went through, or do we take it for granted.. i admit that sometimes i do take it for granted.. i pray that i never will again! i think it's so important for us to reflect upon His Passion.. maybe to pray the Stations of the Cross.. to really try to understand what it was all like for Him. this can really help us grow in love for God. i'm so glad that in the Catholic Church, Christ's suffering is often talked about..in the Saints, the prayers, devotions, etc. i never really thought about it much before.

i think i should just make a commitment to reflect on the Passion more often..

i heard a (true) story recently about how someone's friend, a pastor (wow..), called a crucifix "disgusting". wow. when we look at Christ on the Cross, dying for our sins..that's not "disgusting"..no, it's called LOVE.

and our beloved Savior suffers from all the unbelief, ingratitude, hatred, sin of this world..the Catholic Church encourages us to console His Sacred Heart for all the offenses that are done against Him daily. (i think this is such a beautiful devotion)

"As Jesus spoke to His apostles, so He pleads with us to stay and watch and pray with Him. His Sacred Heart is filled with sadness, because so many doubt Him, despise Him, insult Him, ridicule Him. In the Sacrament of Love, so many forget Him. Every mortal sin brings down the terrible scourges on His Sacred Body, presses the sharp thorns into His Sacred Head, and hammers the cruel nails into His Sacred Hands and Feet. The ingratitude of mankind continually pierces His Sacred Heart."
http://www.2heartsnetwork.org/holyhour.htm

thoughts on loneliness, following God, and St. Therese

i've realized that lately i've been feeling lonely in big groups of people..
when i went to the c4c summer meeting, i was glad to see everyone again and i missed my friends, but somehow i also wanted to just run away and be alone with God. i never feel lonely with him. i just felt somehow disconnected from everything. (and during the praise and worship, i was really missing Adoration, which surprised me but actually i was glad. lol! it's strange i actually felt A LOT of joy at this time, even the loneliness seemed to be a blessing)

i hope this is God trying to draw me closer to Himself.

i wonder what this year would be like..
i just pray that God would give me strength.

another thing i've been thinking about..
i've realized that i'm really not involved in c4c in any way. in the past, i sort of wanted to be a DG leader later on, just because i wanted God to use me somehow. i prayed about it lots.. and told God that whatever His will is, it would be fine with me. well i didn't become a DG leader, and i think now i know why.. God knew i'd become Catholic.. and i have to admit that c4c beliefs are very Protestant. additionally, i prayed a lot about going on project. i was ready to go if God called me. He didn't though. i wonder why that is.. i guess it's just not His will that i go on one. maybe i'll go on some sort of mission trip in the future..

so sometimes i struggle with thoughts that i'm really giving God my all because even though i'm in c4c, i'm not really doing anything there. maybe God has a different plan for me.. instead of being a leader, etc, maybe He wants me to quietly share my faith with my friends, one on one, help people, one on one, without anyone knowing.. pray for others.. and that might teach me how to truly live for God's glory and do things to serve Him, not in order to be noticed..so that my reward would only be from my Father. and if i'm ever ready for other things, God will make it happen.

it is LOVE that gives value to our actions. if we do something very small with lots of love, it becomes meaningful and pleases God. and if we do something seemingly big and important.. but for ourselves, not for Him, and without love.. it loses all significance.

and how can we ever do enough for God?? we can't...no matter how much i try i will not be able to give Jesus what He so deserves from me.. maybe if i always feel that i'm doing 'too little', that's because it's the truth, and will always be the truth.

about a month ago, i saw a movie about St. Therese that really affected me. it's called "Therese".. and it's based on her diary. She was a Carmelite nun. She spent her life doing little unnoticed things for God, and no one realized how devout she was. She wanted to keep her good works hidden from everyone except God, even from herself..and to do everything with great love for Him. and she approached God as a little child.. "little flower" Therese. i love her so much. i'm convinced that she did more to help sinners with her prayers and sacrifices than if she had done something big like going on missions (which many nuns do! like Mother Teresa. and that's awesome!).

i think there's a balance.. it is great to hide your good works from people so that only God knows about them.. on the other hand we should definitely be like "stars in this dark universe", pointing everyone we meet towards Christ, and letting our lives show His work so that others would praise Him. i want soo much for others to see Jesus in me and to truly be His "hands and feet" and bring the lost to Him...i believe the Eucharist would help me with this... anyway...i think that St. Therese, and other Saints, found that balance pretty well. maybe this is done by not focusing on yourself so much, letting God's love flow from you into other souls, without bringing attention to how 'devout' you are..only bringing attention to Him. we should not think much of our good works and not let "the left hand know what the right is doing".

anyway...when i saw that movie i felt like God was telling me that..it's ok that i'm not doing anything that seems "big" to people.. what matters is what He thinks, and the service that matters to Him is - obedience, and LOVE. only love matters. "it raises our smallest actions into infinity". perhaps offering a kind word to someone who needs it, helping my mom with housework, and praying that my non Christian friends would realize God's love.. maybe that's all very meaningful to God if done with love, and He will take these 'seeds' and make them grow, and they'll grow into something beautiful for God's glory. and if He ever gives me the opportunity to do something bigger, i'll take it, and pray for humility..cause i'm very proud still. but first, i need to become comfortable with simply obeying God..i may want to do big things, but if He doesn't want me to right now, i shouldn't do them.. because that would be disobedience. Let His will be done, not my own. Maybe all this is God's way of teaching me to give up my own will and desires, and to "deny the self". i really need to do this so that's great :) and during this past year, i've had to deal with some "crosses" that came my way, and maybe He is also teaching me that suffering, united to His sacrifice, has great spiritual value.

love is..

(something i find useful to reflect upon :))

1 Cor. 13

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Right now I am reading St. Liguori's excellent book "the practice of the love of Jesus Christ".. in which he talks about each of these characteristics of love mentioned by Apostle Paul.

love is patient..
how often am i patient with people? (not very..)

love is kind..
how often am i kind to the unkind.. do i sincerely care about people?

it does not envy..
do i ever feel jealous of people?

it does not boast, it is not proud..
pride..something i really need help on

it is not rude..
sometimes i am rude :(

it is not self seeking..
yup definitely need help there..

it is not easily angered..
sometimes when i'm annoyed i'm easily angered

it keeps no record of wrongs..
forgive AND FORGET.

love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth..
this is probably the one that i'm better at..but still, not perfect

it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres..
just like Jesus' love :)

in fact, now that i think of it, all these characteristics apply perfectly to God. He is love. And hopefully the more we are sanctified..the more we are transformed to His likeness..the more we would show patience, kindness, hope, perseverence, etc.

In St. Liguori's book I also found the following:

"this, then, should be our only care, to acquire a true love for Jesus Christ. the spiritual masters describe the signs of true love. Love, say they, is fearful; it fears displeasing God. It is generous, because, trusting in God, it is never dismayed from undertaking even the greatest tasks for His glory. it is strong, because it conquers all its evil appetites, even amid the most violent temptations and the darkest desolation. It is obedient, because it immediately seeks to carry out God's commands. It is pure, because it loves God alone, and only because He deserves to be loved. It is ardent, because it would inflame all people and see them consumed with divine love. It is inebriating, for it makes the soul live as if it were beside itself, as if it no longer saw or felt or had any senses left for things of this world, and was wholly intent on loving God. It is unifying, for it tightly binds together the will of the creature and the will of the Creator. it is yearning, for it fills the soul with desire to leave this world, to fly to a perfect union with God in its happy homeland, so as to love Him there with all its strength".