St Gemma Galgani

http://www.stgemma.com/index.html

i've never read about St. Gemma before.. i just finished reading her story. woww... it's really amazing how much she loved the Lord and the graces she received. she has such a beautiful soul.
after reading this.. i want to spend more time in prayer.. and to sin less; to seek greater holiness than i currently have. unfortunately sin is so ingrained in me.. for most of my life, i lived without God and without repentance, and i have all these bad habits that i can't seem to break. i wish i had always known Him..and that i had been protected from all the really terrible sins i did. but..i think God can really be glorified in a sinners life too by giving the grace to turn away from all that sin! i pray that my life would bring glory to Him.

Prayer of St. Gemma..
"Oh Jesus, why am I not burned up with love for you? Why is it that my heart is not consumed with Love's flame? Why is it that my love does not correspond to yours? Oh Jesus, how much time I have lost! How many years I could have loved You and I did not do so. But your bounty makes me hope to be able to make up for lost time.

Why did you suffer for me, dear Jesus? For love! The nails.., the crown.., the cross... all for love of me. For You I sacrifice everything willingly. I offer You my body with all its weakness and my Soul with all its love. My God, dear Jesus, remove whatever malice may be at the bottom of my offering, and then accept it. Do not abandon me, Jesus, I am yours. Take care of my soul. Think of what you have borne to save it. Surely they are right who say, 'To suffer is to love.'"

another thing i find so encouraging about St. Gemma is that she was not a nun, but a lay person.
that encourages me because it shows that someone could live in the world yet still spend lots of time in prayer and know God so closely.. i must admit though sometimes there are so many distractions all around.. this is something that must be overcome, we should not let ourselves be distracted from God.

i read that she had the stigmata.. this is a very new concept for me. i think some people have faked it in the past but for others it was real.. (like St. Francis of Assisi, St. Padre Pio, St. Gemma of course)
i guess that is how these people shared in Christ's suffering and understood more of His pain and love on the Cross..

today's Mass was different..

i think that God is trying to take me further.. i told Him a few days ago that even though i had received signs that He wants me to be Catholic..i'm not yet at the point when i can take the next step.. i think what He is doing now is He's taking away all the signs - maybe He wants me to rely on faith more..or maybe He's getting me to a point where i feel relatively neutral about Catholicism and Orthodoxy and care more about doing His will. in February i didn't really want to be Catholic.. this summer however, i REALLY did. but then i was praying that He'd just change my priorities, that i would be more ready to lay down my own will..if i do, and then He leads me to Catholicism once more..then i'd KNOW it's from Him. it seems that He is answering this prayer.. i may be wrong..
but whatever is happening,
LORD YOUR WILL BE DONE!

Sacrament of love

"All expressions of love, even the highest and the most profound, are verified in the Eucharist. Thus, it is a Love that is crucified, a Love that unites, a Love that adores, a Love that contemplates, a Love that prays, a Love that delightfully satisfies,"
Fr. Stefano Manelli

"but why is it that Jesus Christ so longs for us to receive Him in Holy Communion? Here is the reason: Dionysius the Areopagite says that love always sighs and aims for union, and we read in St. Thomas, "Lovers desire to cease being two and to become one". now this has led the infinite love of God not only to give us Himself completely in the eternal kingdom, but even in this life to let men and women possess Him in the most intimate union possible, by giving Himself to them completely under the appearances of bread in the sacrament....

..He could not satisfy His love by giving Himself entirely to the human race by His Incarnation and by His Passion, dying for all people. He sought to find a way to give Himself entirely to each one of us in particular; and so He instituted the sacrament of the altar in order to unite Himself fully with each one of us: "those who eat My flesh and drink My blood abide in Me, and I in them". (John 6:56). In Holy Communion Jesus is united with the soul, and the soul with Jesus; and this is not a union of mere affection, but a true and real union. Hence St. Francis de Sales says: "In no other action can the Savior be considered more tender or more loving then in this one, where He annihilates Himself, so to say, and reduces Himself to food, in order to penetrate our souls and to united Himself to the hearts of the His faithful."

-St. Liguori

stations of the Cross

Jesus is condemned to death

Lord Jesus You are the King of all the universe.. You are the eternal Word through whom everything was created.. and here You are condemned to death by Your own creatures!! You made them, and now You're letting Yourself be killed by them? You lay down Your life freely... that is how much You love.. Your love is stronger than death, stronger than anything, You have loved us more than Your own glory.

Jesus receives the cross

Lord how was it for You, looking at that Cross.. knowing that so soon, You would be nailed to it and left to die.. were You afraid? But You embraced Your cross. Lord let me embrace my own cross for love of You.

Jesus falls the first time

Lord then You fell and heard the mocking laughter of the soldiers.. there is no one more powerful and strong than You, yet You let Yourself take on a human nature; be so weak.. You fell.. Lord i wish i was there to help You as You carried that Cross

Jesus meets His Mother

Mary, how much sorrow you must have felt seeing your Son in so much pain.. Your heart was pierced by a sword of grief also. How you love Jesus..You were with Him to the end. help me love Him too and help me not be afraid to suffer with and for Him..

Simon of Cyrene carries the cross

Lord let me too share in Your suffering! give me courage for this..

Veronica wipes Jesus' face with her veil

Jesus, Veronica loved You so much and she comforted You in Your sorrowful journey.. let me comfort You too Lord and console Your Heart that is so wounded by our sins..give me the grace to always love You and to never stop loving You not for one moment. let me bring You joy and delight Your Heart.

Jesus falls the second time

Lord You are Almighty yet You made Yourself so weak, so vulnerable, for us, so that we can come to You in our weakness..

Jesus meets the daughters of Jerusalem

Lord even during Your great suffering, You still thought of others..and offered them wisdom and guidance

Jesus falls the third time

Lord Your humility amazes me.

Jesus is stripped of His garments

Jesus You deserve all the glory of the world and all the glory of Heaven.. yet Your crown was a crown of thorns..
You are the King of Mercy, yet You were beaten and scourged mercilessly..till You were covered in blood..
You allowed Yourself to be mocked and treated with such cruelty. You went through so much Jesus i don't understand how You can love us this much.
i find it so hard to give up the smallest things for You and You gave up everything, You endured everything.. help me love You above all else

Crucifixion: Jesus is nailed to the cross

Jesus i can't imagine the torture.. You were forsaken by Your friends, betrayed, in unimaginable pain.. and then watched as the people You came to save, the people You loved before creation, the people You made to know Your love...nailed You to a cross to die. when You saw the soldiers driving the nails through Your hands and feet..did You still love each of them.. You prayed "Father forgive them for they know not what they do".. i am so amazed at Your love Lord!!!!
Jesus i just realized that..every time i sin i crucify You too. i can't stand this it breaks my heart..

Jesus dies on the cross

Lord..my dear Jesus..You died, in torment, sinless and holy but separated from Your Father, with all the weight of our sins upon You.. i can't imagine the loneliness You felt..You are ONE with the Father but at that moment, in the moment of such agony, He turned His face away.. how much He must have suffered too!!! Lord this is too much for me to understand, Your love is too much for me to understand..
and before You died, You cried "I thirst".. You thirst for souls and for us to return Your love, You want so much for all to accept Your mercy and to live with You forever, to be redeemed and united with the Father.. and You knew so many would reject You, and in spite of all Your suffering *still* be separated from You for all eternity (how the loss of souls must hurt You!!!) yet You still went through all all this.

and when You died...Your Sacred Heart, so full of love and mercy and kindness..was pierced by a sword
Jesus i can't take this in..
You told St. Faustina, the "ocean of Mercy opened up for the whole world".
the Divine Mercy image...
"The two rays denote Blood and Water. The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls. These two rays issued forth from the depths of My tender mercy when My agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross. Happy is the one who will dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall not lay hold of him"



I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER DISTRUSTED YOUR MERCY, EVEN AFTER ALL THIS !!! Jesus please forgive me that i have.. i love You, i want to always love You, with all my heart.. i want to always trust You my Jesus..
Lord i can't understand how great Your love is and no words are enough to describe it.. i am the one who crucified You, i am the one who mocked You, i am the one who hated You.. this is how i repaid You for loving me from all eternity, for creating me with such a great hope and plan.. this is how i repaid You..
and You had all the right to destroy me or put me in hell forever, but instead You...GAVE YOUR LIFE FOR ME....You hung on the cross, in unimaginable pain, SINLESS, HOLY, for me... You loved me, i hated You, hurt You with my sins, and You still loved me MORE THAN YOUR LIFE.

words are not enough..

Jesus' body is removed from the cross

Jesus is laid in the tomb and covered in incense.

being honest..

Jesus i don't know how to discern Your will anymore.. i'm afraid to be catholic cause i don't want to trust my feelings, but i'm afraid to not be catholic because i don't want to deny Your grace. i'm so tired.. just be with me Lord.. please.. You have never left me, Jesus through all my trials You were always such a great Friend. i have never found rest anywhere else. please hold me.. You see i'm so weak, i can't even rejoice in my trials and i find it difficult to remember that there are SO MANY PEOPLE who suffer SO MUCH MORE.

You showed me about the Eucharist and i don't know why because i dont love You as i should and i'm proud and i fail every single day, and You gave me all these beautiful thoughts but i can't seem to put them into actions.. like that idea about praying for lonely people who are suffering in the world.. i could never have thought of that without Your grace. cause i don't love that much. and someone hearing about that might think i'm a good Christian or something when in reality i struggle so much with everything. what's the point of beautiful thoughts and prayers when my actions are evil. see i'm such a hypocrite..

so i don't know why You showed me about the Eucharist when there are people who are much better christians and don't know about it. so maybe..i just pray that i'll glorify You through my weakness then, if in no other way. THANK YOU that i'm so weak cause then it's so obvious all this is not from me :) anyone who knows me would see it had to be Your work. i'm glad.. let it be this way.. just let Your will be done; i keep on praying this but i don't even know if i'm surrendered to Your will or not.

i want to love You so much though.. i think, You're in the tabernacle all alone.. i want to be with You.. is that a good enough reason to become catholic??
how can i not want to be near You after You've shown me so much love.. i still can't believe anyone could love me this much..but You do.. only You.. please please just hold me near to Your Heart now because i'm so tired and i'll find no comfort anywhere else, i know. i doubt that you will, i'm so sorry, because my own heart is not pure but proud, even now i am proud.. it is only those who are humble, those who are like little children who are able to approach You. but Jesus You said Your mercy is greater than sin.. let it be greater than my sins, Jesus because of Your love and mercy please don't reject me.. You're all i want, so if You reject me i'll have nothing in this whole world..

this whole day i was just longing to go to Adoration and be there with You.. the world just seems empty.. please just give me strength so i won't despair, and won't keep on thinking about myself all the time but focus on serving You and others.. let Your love and mercy and joy flow through me somehow; into other souls... help me not feel disappointed at my failures cause i know thats just more pride and self love; but instead just seek to follow You with all i have anyway... and maybe someday i'll become who You made me to be..completely obedient to You..

i can't find the words.. Lord You know me, You understand what i'm trying to say...

when i think about what You went through.. on the Cross..
You gave Yourself for me, so i want to give myself to You, entirely.
and when i'll receive the Eucharist, i want to give You all my love and to welcome You with a pure heart, a pure soul, totally cleansed from sin.. so that You will "reign in me as in Heaven". i have so much more to say...but i don't know how to say it. You know my heart..

irresistible novena

Irresistible Novena to Mary, "Queen of the Holy Rosary"
http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/rosary6.htm

Rosary - 27 days - in petition (3 novenas)
Rosary - 27 days - in thanksgiving (3 novenas) whether or not the prayer has been answered

In Petition:

"Sweetest Virgin Mary, Mother of God and my Mother, please accept this irresistible novena which i offer up to you for the intentions i plead. i place before you all the intentions, needs, and desires of my heart and soul. i beg of thee to pray for my intentions (in particular...) i trust in your intercession and know our prayers will win for me what i so desire. amen."

(after each decade)

Sorrowful Mysteries

"Sweetest Jesus crucified behold Your sorrowful Mother prays for me. can you despise her prayers, she who suffered so much for love of You? on behalf of her tears, on behalf of her most motherly and loving heart pierced by a sword of grief, hear her prayers on my behalf. My Jesus, i know it is impossible for You to despise this most loving Mother's prayers. amen"

Joyful Mysteries

"Jesus please hear the prayers of Your most holy Mother for my intentions, she whose womb You dwelled in and sanctified. i know her Immaculate soul is most pleasing to You, she who was blessed above all creatures as to be freed from all stain of sin since the moment of her conception. please do not despise the many sighs from her Immaculate Heart, she who loved You more than any other creature. amen"

Glorious Mysteries

"Jesus, King and God, You loved Your Mother so much that You most willingly assumed her body and soul into Heaven. now that she is beside You in Heaven, pleading our every cause, will You despise her prayers? her love for You is most pure, and You have always been her only Treasure. will You despise the prayer of this Loving Queen, You Yourself crowned? amen"

in thanksgiving

"Mary i thank you so much for the graces you have given me and for these intentions of mine whi you have prayed to be granted. i offer up this irresistible novena in thanksgiving for all that you have given me. i love you so much and i place upon your head a crown of roses. may every "Hail Mary" be like a sweet song in thanksgiving offered up to You and Jesus. amen"

"Jesus my only Friend"

i love this part in St. Therese's book because i sometimes feel this way..it's so encouraging that the Saints dealt with things we deal with..

"...i used to work on in silence until the sewing class was over, and then, as nobody took much notice of me, i went into the tribune of the chapel until father came for me. here, in the silence, i found my one consolation: Jesus, my only friend. i could not open my heart to anyone else; conversations with other people - even about heavenly things - seemed tedious. it is true that my loneliness used to sadden me for a while, and i remember how often i would say that line from a beautiful poem Father used to recite: "the world is but a ship and not thy home"; young as i was, these words encouraged me, and although so many of my childish dreams have faded with the years, the symbol of a ship still charms me and makes my exile easier to bear. does not the Bood of Wisdom say: "life is like a ship that passeth through the waves: when it is gone, the trace thereof cannot be found" (Wis. 5:10) when i think about these things, i seem to look into infinity, to reach the eternal shore where Jesus embraces me. i can see Mary coming to meet me with Mother and Father and those four tiny angels, our brothers and sisters"

prayer for forgotten souls..

i was thinking the other day how there are people out there in the world who are in a lot of pain but have no one to pray for them..Mary, angels, and Saints are praying (and surely their prayers are soo powerful, much more so than mine), but no one on earth. maybe some people feel all alone and like they don't have anyone to turn to, and they don't know God.. i thought of people who are suffering right NOW, at this very moment.. i once read a story in a newspaper about a homeless man who froze to death all alone under a bridge at night. or people who are going through intense physical or emotional pain or are being abused or are feeling very lonely..especially children..

and there are probably souls in purgatory who are forgotten on earth and no one is praying especially for them here.. what if that was me? and how does Jesus feel about all this?
if we knew these people, we could show them God's love through our actions.. but we might not know them, so what can we do..

and then i had this idea, that maybe it's possible to pray something like the Divine Mercy chaplet for "a person who is really suffering right now"; someone we don't know, someone who's maybe on the other side of the world and we'll never meet.. and they might never know we prayed.. but God knows who they are, and maybe because of our prayers He would help them??
i don't know if this makes sense theologically, but it makes sense to me in my heart.
i feel like this idea is from God..

Father please help a person who is most in need right now. i do not know who they are, but You do. You see them and their circumstances and You love them. work a miracle in their life. whatever their suffering is, help them at this moment..rescue them from their sins and have mercy on them.. i feel like my prayer is so weak; "the prayer of a righteous man avails much" but i am not righteous, i lack in both love and humility.. yet Jesus IS love, and He's so humble..look not at my sins but at the merits of Your Son. for the sake of His endless love for these souls and for the sake of His sorrowful Passion on the Cross, please answer this prayer.. i offer His Body and Blood to You in union with all the Masses said throughout the world today for a soul that's in pain right now, and for all the forgotten souls in purgatory. amen.

my family in Heaven..

it's like 2 am now LOL... i'll try to put my thoughts down somewhat coherently. :P

i was thinking how i'm the only child in my family and sometimes i wonder what it's like to have siblings.. and sometimes i wish my relatives lived nearby and not so far away. well the good side of all this is that i guess it has brought my immediate family closer in a way.

but then i realized...WOW i also have a whole family in Heaven!! lol! and they all love me and are praying for me and want me to be saved... i'm never alone...
God my loving Father
Jesus
Holy Spirit.
Mary, my dear Mother
my sisters in Christ.. St. Therese, St. Faustina, St. Anastasia..
my brothers in Christ.. St. Liguori, St. Anthony, St. Francis..
my guardian angel..
wow and someday i'd meet them all. :D i hope so!!
and all my relatives who have gone Home!

Hillsong United conference!

it was awesome. God showed me so many things during this conference. especially about how important it is that we love others, that we show His love to others.. to everyone.. how we don't just praise God but also serve Him in all that we do. and of course the worship was wonderful.. just spending that time with God..