this is such a beautiful video..
2008/07/27
sometimes i wonder..
..what it's like to be a nun. especially a Carmelite. lol i've been reading a lot about nuns lately :) (i mean people like St. Therese, St. Faustina, St. Teresa of Avila, etc)
it seems like such a beautiful life
difficult, sometimes painful even, but all for God
it seems like such a beautiful life
difficult, sometimes painful even, but all for God
"Whom have I ever despised that loved Me?"
i read this yesterday in my St. Liguori book (Practice of the Love of Jesus Christ) and actually it made me cry. sometimes i have this fear.. what if i'll spend my life loving God and following Him, but in the end He will reject me anyway.. like if i leave Orthodoxy.. i don't know i've heard that a lot from many people and read that in articles too.
and it's so amazing to realize that ..no, God really looks at my heart.. that He won't reject me if i don't reject Him.. and that i can ALWAYS know that He loves me, because He has loved me even till death.. on the cross, tortured and beaten and forsaken.. wow.. how can i still not trust Him fully, after all that?! forgive me Lord..
"Nothing can so terrify us, as much as Jesus Christ can reassure us. Let my sins surround me, let my fears of the future accuse me, let the demons lay their snares for me. As long as I beg mercy of Jesus Christ, who is all kindness, who has loved me even until death, I cannot lose confidence; for I see myself so highly prized that a God gave Himself for me.
My Jesus, safe haven for those who seek you out in the storm; my vigilant shepherd, those who do not trust You are deceiving themselves, if only they have the will to amend their lives. That is why You said: Here I am, don't be afraid: I am He who troubles and who consoles. Sometimes I put persons in scenes of desolation that seem like hell; but then I pull them out and console them. I am your advocate; I have made your cause My own. I am your guarantor; I have come to pay your debts. I am your Lord, who redeemed you with My blood, not to abandon you, but to enrich you, having ransomed you at a great price. How shall I flee from those who seek Me, when I went forth to meet those who sought to outrage Me? I did not turn away My face from those who struck Me; and shall I turn it from those who would adore Me? How can My children doubt that I love them, seeing Me in the hands of My enemies out of love for them? Whom have I ever despised that loved Me? Whom have I ever abandoned that sought my help? I go out in search even of those who do not seek Me."
John of Avila
and it's so amazing to realize that ..no, God really looks at my heart.. that He won't reject me if i don't reject Him.. and that i can ALWAYS know that He loves me, because He has loved me even till death.. on the cross, tortured and beaten and forsaken.. wow.. how can i still not trust Him fully, after all that?! forgive me Lord..
"Nothing can so terrify us, as much as Jesus Christ can reassure us. Let my sins surround me, let my fears of the future accuse me, let the demons lay their snares for me. As long as I beg mercy of Jesus Christ, who is all kindness, who has loved me even until death, I cannot lose confidence; for I see myself so highly prized that a God gave Himself for me.
My Jesus, safe haven for those who seek you out in the storm; my vigilant shepherd, those who do not trust You are deceiving themselves, if only they have the will to amend their lives. That is why You said: Here I am, don't be afraid: I am He who troubles and who consoles. Sometimes I put persons in scenes of desolation that seem like hell; but then I pull them out and console them. I am your advocate; I have made your cause My own. I am your guarantor; I have come to pay your debts. I am your Lord, who redeemed you with My blood, not to abandon you, but to enrich you, having ransomed you at a great price. How shall I flee from those who seek Me, when I went forth to meet those who sought to outrage Me? I did not turn away My face from those who struck Me; and shall I turn it from those who would adore Me? How can My children doubt that I love them, seeing Me in the hands of My enemies out of love for them? Whom have I ever despised that loved Me? Whom have I ever abandoned that sought my help? I go out in search even of those who do not seek Me."
John of Avila
2008/07/19
don't want to forget this..
around a week ago i visited Canada's capital, Ottawa. one of the highlights was the Notre Dame cathedral. http://www.notredameottawa.com/
it was SUCH an amazing experience for me. i went to Sunday Mass, and then stayed for a couple of hours to pray.. at one point, i took some pictures :) oki i was only going to take a few but before i knew it i had around 50.
this church has the most beautiful side altars. one dedicated to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and one to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
before Mass, i said the novena to St. Therese.. and then when i came into the cathedral i saw her statue beside the Sacred Heart altar :) and she was holding roses. that made me smile.
most of all, this visit was just very spiritually moving for me.
after Mass, i lit a candle at the Sacred Heart altar, and knelt down before it to pray. there were lots of people praying there.. at one point there was a whole family with ..maybe 5 sisters, around my age, and they all held hands while praying. then there was a lady at the Mary altar who must have said the whole rosary. what i really liked was that there was a crucifix near the Sacred Heart altar..i spent half my time there just looking at it and trying to understand how much pain our Lord went through for us :( it was a powerful experience for me. some people laid their hands on it while they prayed, and one girl kissed Christ's feet on the crucifix. :) but what made it all really special for me..is that i felt SOO close to God there. i can't describe it.. it was like how i feel around the Sacraments or at Adoration. it's like God was inside of me..and i was completely filled with the Holy Spirit, and i was united to Him. i was totally overcome with peace, and joy, and most of all, love.. i knew i was loved and welcomed, i felt like Jesus was glad that i was there to visit Him. i felt that so much when i was kneeling beside that altar and praying. that's actually how i remembered that the Eucharist is present in the church, it's like in my heart i instantly knew and felt that, even if in my mind i forgot. it was so awesome. i didn't want to leave. lol the only reason i left is because we (my family) were all going on a tour of Parliament Hill.. i actually stayed behind for a few moments after my family left, and - at that time there were very few people in the church.. so it was just me and God, basically. i so didn't want to leave lol. i said bye and touched the crucifix for one moment lol and then had to run after my family, cause i was already so far behind.
so this experience is definitely something i'll never ever forget.
when i came back home, i still felt very close to God. for some reason, i just wanted to spend time with Him and to console His Heart for all the sin and unbelief in the world.. and my own sin.. i found it very easy to pray and worship.. and i felt so much remorse for my sins. i didn't know this was at the same time that professor Myers was desecrating the Eucharist!! :(( i wonder if other people felt that way too during those couple of days.
my Jesus..dear Lord how much pain you suffer day by day for our sake.. and how much you endured during Your sorrowful Passion. let me never forget this and give me the grace to love You always and to never stop loving You. amen.
it was SUCH an amazing experience for me. i went to Sunday Mass, and then stayed for a couple of hours to pray.. at one point, i took some pictures :) oki i was only going to take a few but before i knew it i had around 50.
this church has the most beautiful side altars. one dedicated to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and one to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
before Mass, i said the novena to St. Therese.. and then when i came into the cathedral i saw her statue beside the Sacred Heart altar :) and she was holding roses. that made me smile.
most of all, this visit was just very spiritually moving for me.
after Mass, i lit a candle at the Sacred Heart altar, and knelt down before it to pray. there were lots of people praying there.. at one point there was a whole family with ..maybe 5 sisters, around my age, and they all held hands while praying. then there was a lady at the Mary altar who must have said the whole rosary. what i really liked was that there was a crucifix near the Sacred Heart altar..i spent half my time there just looking at it and trying to understand how much pain our Lord went through for us :( it was a powerful experience for me. some people laid their hands on it while they prayed, and one girl kissed Christ's feet on the crucifix. :) but what made it all really special for me..is that i felt SOO close to God there. i can't describe it.. it was like how i feel around the Sacraments or at Adoration. it's like God was inside of me..and i was completely filled with the Holy Spirit, and i was united to Him. i was totally overcome with peace, and joy, and most of all, love.. i knew i was loved and welcomed, i felt like Jesus was glad that i was there to visit Him. i felt that so much when i was kneeling beside that altar and praying. that's actually how i remembered that the Eucharist is present in the church, it's like in my heart i instantly knew and felt that, even if in my mind i forgot. it was so awesome. i didn't want to leave. lol the only reason i left is because we (my family) were all going on a tour of Parliament Hill.. i actually stayed behind for a few moments after my family left, and - at that time there were very few people in the church.. so it was just me and God, basically. i so didn't want to leave lol. i said bye and touched the crucifix for one moment lol and then had to run after my family, cause i was already so far behind.
so this experience is definitely something i'll never ever forget.
when i came back home, i still felt very close to God. for some reason, i just wanted to spend time with Him and to console His Heart for all the sin and unbelief in the world.. and my own sin.. i found it very easy to pray and worship.. and i felt so much remorse for my sins. i didn't know this was at the same time that professor Myers was desecrating the Eucharist!! :(( i wonder if other people felt that way too during those couple of days.
my Jesus..dear Lord how much pain you suffer day by day for our sake.. and how much you endured during Your sorrowful Passion. let me never forget this and give me the grace to love You always and to never stop loving You. amen.
2008/07/17
the healing power of God's mercy
Something happened to me a couple of days ago, and it taught me an important lesson. I want to tell this story to bring glory to God's mercy and to encourage everyone to trust in Him. I don't always trust God, but I really should ;) I was taught that Jesus always desires to show us mercy, but it's up to us to receive it or to reject it.. and the way we accept it is by trusting in His mercy. It's a simple message but sometimes we forget.. I know I do!
Here's what happened to me... a couple of days ago, I think I was really spiritually attacked. I'm usually an optimistic, positive person, but that day I was dealing with all kinds of temptations, doubts, and fears. At one point, I almost became an atheist!! This really scared me. The temptation to leave my faith was very overwhelming. I imagined myself as an atheist.. telling my family that.."I guess I'm just not into all this anymore.." and taking down the things in my 'prayer corner', like old childhood toys that i outgrew :( I know it was only God's grace that kept me from taking this step - surely it would have been a step into hell. I resolved to stay with God no matter what and kept on asking Him to protect me and to not let me go. I just kept on repeating that. He did not. :) and the temptation went away.
but later on that evening, I felt like I had lost all hope in God and fell into despair. My whole life seemed so bleak and there was nothing in my future but misery and disappointment. I'm rarely like this, so I seriously think this was an attack - it did not seem to come from me at all, although I did encourage these thoughts and didn't try to stop them. I felt so much pain inside though; I don't even know why. I couldn't find consolation anywhere. I started worrying about everything..about myself, and others, my family, friends, and about all kinds of things that are going on right now...I felt that nothing would turn out well. I really felt like God had abandoned me and wouldn't take care of me.
So then I went upstairs to my room and knelt at my 'prayer corner'. I was crying and begged God to help me. I felt like I was only a little bit away from losing my faith altogether. Then, for some reason, I picked up my "Divine Mercy in My Soul" book.. and opened it on a random page. It was a page that I had never read before. I saw these words, spoken by Jesus to St. Faustina:
"For you, I am mercy itself; therefore I ask you to offer Me your misery and this very helplessness of yours, and, in this way, you will delight My Heart.
My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy, graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy, and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain. My daughter, I desire that your heart be an abiding place of My mercy. I desire that this mercy flow out upon the whole world through your heart. Let no one who approaches you go away without that trust in My mercy which I so ardently desire for souls...
...Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul"
when I read this, I felt like Jesus was telling me these same words. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at that moment. I knew that all I had to do was trust Him, and everything would be alright. I decided to do that. And suddenly, in an INSTANT, all my pain, doubt, temptation, etc..went away. I was surprised at how quickly God healed me of everything..I was battling all these thoughts for HOURS, and nothing helped, and God took everything away instantly!! This was definitely a lesson to not rely on my own strength. I felt like I had awoken from a dream, everything was suddenly so clear and obvious..! I wondered how I had ever slipped into despair, when the truth was right in front of me.
After this, I felt soo much joy, I couldn't stop smiling. I also felt incredible peace. I mean, it was truly incredible. I couldn't believe it. I asked God...why did this happen? And I felt like this was all because of His mercy; because of His love and mercy, He healed me. And I realized that I could keep this peace, if I only keep on trusting Him. Indeed, whenever I turned to God with trust that evening..and gave Him all of my fears, doubts, etc...I felt that awesome sense of peace. It wasn't just an absense of worry, but something much greater. It was definitely a gift from God.
all the things that Jesus said about trusting Him, and everything He said about His love and mercy and faithfulness, He MEANT it. Sometimes when we go through difficult times we stop trusting God and we don't truly believe that He would help us. I think this experience was given to me so that I would see that everything He said IS real. It's not just words. He wasn't lying when He said that He will take care of souls that trust in His mercy, and grant them everything they need for salvation. Sometimes He does allow us to feel afraid and confused, and sometimes He doesn't let us feel His presence, but that is so that we would learn to trust..and no matter what we go through, it should not rob us of the peace we have in Christ. We have to hold on to that by faith..
Here's what happened to me... a couple of days ago, I think I was really spiritually attacked. I'm usually an optimistic, positive person, but that day I was dealing with all kinds of temptations, doubts, and fears. At one point, I almost became an atheist!! This really scared me. The temptation to leave my faith was very overwhelming. I imagined myself as an atheist.. telling my family that.."I guess I'm just not into all this anymore.." and taking down the things in my 'prayer corner', like old childhood toys that i outgrew :( I know it was only God's grace that kept me from taking this step - surely it would have been a step into hell. I resolved to stay with God no matter what and kept on asking Him to protect me and to not let me go. I just kept on repeating that. He did not. :) and the temptation went away.
but later on that evening, I felt like I had lost all hope in God and fell into despair. My whole life seemed so bleak and there was nothing in my future but misery and disappointment. I'm rarely like this, so I seriously think this was an attack - it did not seem to come from me at all, although I did encourage these thoughts and didn't try to stop them. I felt so much pain inside though; I don't even know why. I couldn't find consolation anywhere. I started worrying about everything..about myself, and others, my family, friends, and about all kinds of things that are going on right now...I felt that nothing would turn out well. I really felt like God had abandoned me and wouldn't take care of me.
So then I went upstairs to my room and knelt at my 'prayer corner'. I was crying and begged God to help me. I felt like I was only a little bit away from losing my faith altogether. Then, for some reason, I picked up my "Divine Mercy in My Soul" book.. and opened it on a random page. It was a page that I had never read before. I saw these words, spoken by Jesus to St. Faustina:
"For you, I am mercy itself; therefore I ask you to offer Me your misery and this very helplessness of yours, and, in this way, you will delight My Heart.
My daughter, know that My Heart is mercy itself. From this sea of mercy, graces flow out upon the whole world. No soul that has approached Me has ever gone away unconsoled. All misery gets buried in the depths of My mercy, and every saving and sanctifying grace flows from this fountain. My daughter, I desire that your heart be an abiding place of My mercy. I desire that this mercy flow out upon the whole world through your heart. Let no one who approaches you go away without that trust in My mercy which I so ardently desire for souls...
...Sooner would heaven and earth turn into nothingness than would My mercy not embrace a trusting soul"
when I read this, I felt like Jesus was telling me these same words. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear at that moment. I knew that all I had to do was trust Him, and everything would be alright. I decided to do that. And suddenly, in an INSTANT, all my pain, doubt, temptation, etc..went away. I was surprised at how quickly God healed me of everything..I was battling all these thoughts for HOURS, and nothing helped, and God took everything away instantly!! This was definitely a lesson to not rely on my own strength. I felt like I had awoken from a dream, everything was suddenly so clear and obvious..! I wondered how I had ever slipped into despair, when the truth was right in front of me.
After this, I felt soo much joy, I couldn't stop smiling. I also felt incredible peace. I mean, it was truly incredible. I couldn't believe it. I asked God...why did this happen? And I felt like this was all because of His mercy; because of His love and mercy, He healed me. And I realized that I could keep this peace, if I only keep on trusting Him. Indeed, whenever I turned to God with trust that evening..and gave Him all of my fears, doubts, etc...I felt that awesome sense of peace. It wasn't just an absense of worry, but something much greater. It was definitely a gift from God.
all the things that Jesus said about trusting Him, and everything He said about His love and mercy and faithfulness, He MEANT it. Sometimes when we go through difficult times we stop trusting God and we don't truly believe that He would help us. I think this experience was given to me so that I would see that everything He said IS real. It's not just words. He wasn't lying when He said that He will take care of souls that trust in His mercy, and grant them everything they need for salvation. Sometimes He does allow us to feel afraid and confused, and sometimes He doesn't let us feel His presence, but that is so that we would learn to trust..and no matter what we go through, it should not rob us of the peace we have in Christ. We have to hold on to that by faith..
2008/07/11
more sad news..
http://www.catholicleague.org/release.php?id=1459
MINNESOTA PROF PLEDGES TO DESECRATE EUCHARIST
July 10, 2008
Paul Zachary Myers, a professor at the University of Minnesota Morris, has pledged to desecrate the Eucharist. He is responding to what happened recently at the University of Central Florida when a student walked out of Mass with the Host, holding it hostage for several days. Myers was angry at the Catholic League for criticizing the student. His post can be accessed from his faculty page on the university’s website.
Here is an excerpt of his July 8 post, “It’s a Frackin’ Cracker!”:
“Can anyone out there score me some consecrated communion wafers?” Myers continued by saying, “if any of you would be willing to do what it takes to get me some, or even one, and mail it to me, I’ll show you sacrilege, gladly, and with much fanfare. I won’t be tempted to hold it hostage (no, not even if I have a choice between returning the Eucharist and watching Bill Donohue kick the pope in the balls, which would apparently be a more humane act than desecrating a goddamned cracker), but will instead treat it with profound disrespect and heinous cracker abuse, all photographed and presented here on the web.”
Catholic League president Bill Donohue responded as follows:
“The Myers blog can be accessed from the university’s website. The university has a policy statement on this issue which says that the ‘Contents of all electronic pages must be consistent with University of Minnesota policies, local, state and federal laws.’ One of the school’s policies, ‘Code of Conduct,’ says that ‘When dealing with others,’ faculty et al. must be ‘respectful, fair and civil.’ Accordingly, we are contacting the President and the Board of Regents to see what they are going to do about this matter. Because the university is a state institution, we are also contacting the Minnesota legislature.
“It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ. We look to those who have oversight responsibility to act quickly and decisively.”
i just can't believe this.. i don't care about all the politics of this.. what bothers me is what this professor is planning to do to the precious Body and Blood of Christ. i pray this doesn't happen.. it's not "some cracker", it's HIM..
just to think..what our Lord endures at the hands of people that He died to save.. :(
Lord have mercy..
edit: July 12:
Yesterday I was thinking about this professor...and I really hope and pray that if he does manage to get a consecrated Host..that God would work a miracle in his life, and this would be the way he would become a believer. For example, he would be holding the Host in his hands, planning to do all sorts of terrible things to it :( but then realizing that truly God is present there...and bowing down to worship Him instead. And then bringing the Host back to the church and becoming a Catholic. that would be so awesome!
Lord have mercy on this man.. I think he is so lost just to think of doing something like this. At first this article made me really angry...I was mad because of the disrespect Jesus is treated with. And I'm still very sad about this. But then I started thinking how God loves this person and really wants him to know Him..and to believe in the Eucharist too.. so I pray that this would happen, as unlikely as it seems...all things are possible with God.
update: July 16
I just read in a news article that the professor has acquired some consecrated Hosts. I was really hoping that this wouldn't happen.. oh no.. I'm just going to keep on praying. This is so sad :(
update: July 23rd
a pretty good article:
http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4140&Itemid=48
part 2:
http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4140&Itemid=48&limit=1&limitstart=1
I guess all I can do is pray.. pray for this lost man, that maybe he would see what he is doing and turn to the Lord.
And I should offer reparation for these offenses to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.. go to Adoration and console Him for all the pain He endures for humans.
As the article said:
"The thirsty cruelty and cowardice of Myers is manifest in this: Regardless of your views of the deity of Christ, to make oneself into a creature who deliberately desecrates the memory of an innocent Man who died in torments, solely for the purpose of spite, is an utterly pathetic and deeply evil thing"
so very true..
UPDATE: JULY 25th
oh no I just found out that he did it :(
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/07/the_great_desecration.php#comments
reading that..it just made me cry. i'm still crying. Just looking at that picture.. I can't believe he actually did it.
May God bring him to repentance for this most griveous sin..and have mercy on him..
most of all it's just terrible that this man showed SO much hatred and disrespect for our Lord who ..created him, loves him, and died for him.
In the miracle of Lanciano, we found out that the Host is Jesus' heart. Myers pierced Jesus' Heart with a rusty nail. His Heart that is so full of love and mercy for all.
Then he said.. "Nothing must be held sacred. Question everything. God is not great, Jesus is not your lord"
i want to pray for him.. because if he does not repent, he would be shocked to find out the truth someday, but then it would be too late.
here is a great blog post from InsideCatholic: http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_myblog&Itemid=127
quote:
"There can be no doubt that Myers is an enemy of God, and of Christians. He wants to be. But from a Christian point of view, there can also be no doubt that he is a creature of the Most High, Who loves him, and that God's heart would be grieved to lose this self-tortured man to eternity. St. Silouan teaches that we must take care not to do anything that interferes with a man's salvation.
It's plain that the raging of Christians only feeds Myers' hatred. But what would he do if the response to his hideous blasphemy is ... love? What would he do if Catholics and other Christians, and even sympathetic members of other faiths, turned up en masse on his campus simply to pray quietly for him? What kind of witness would that be to the wider culture? How might that make straight the path to salvation for P.Z. Myers, and many who now admire him? Wouldn't that be blessing those who persecute you, as Christ commands us to do?
P.Z. Myers has provided quite a witness for what militant atheism is capable of. Let's provide a counterwitness for what faithful Christianity is capable of. God may work a miracle in that man's life yet (consider the example of Saul). Let's not get in the way of the work of redemption in this lost man's life. As much as we can, let's answer hate with love."
very true..
still, i'm so upset and also angry about this.
I think that it would be a good idea to just..go to an Adoration chapel and spend time with Jesus there.. there's soo much disrespect for the Eucharist in the world. Most don't believe in it.. and some, like this man, are trying to destroy it. It's like..Jesus is freely offering them Himself..as a gift.. and they don't even care. And how often do I too, not care as much as I should. And there is so much hatred for Him in the world, even though He has loved us more than His life. How can this be?? And how much pain this must cause Him! I think that's why we have devotions like Adoration.. so that we can console His Sacred Heart for what He goes through, daily.
Act of Reparation to the Sacred Heart of Jesus
O Jesus, Divine Saviour, deign to cast a look of mercy upon Your children, who assemble in the same spirit of faith, reparation, and love, and come to deplore their own infidelities, and those of all poor sinners, their brethren.
May we touch Your Divine Heart by the unanimous and solemn promises we are about to make and obtain mercy for ourselves, for the world, and for all who are so unhappy as not to love You. We all promise that for the future:
For the forgetfulness and ingratitude of men, we will console You, O Lord.
For the way You are deserted in Your holy tabernacle, we will console You, O Lord.
For the crimes of sinners, we will console You, O Lord.
For the hatred of the impious, we will console You, O Lord.
For the blasphemies uttered against You, we will console You, O Lord.
For the sacrileges that profane Your Sacrament of Love, we will console You, O Lord.
For the outrages against Your divinity, we will console You, O Lord.
For the injuries of which You are the adorable Victim, we will console You, O Lord.
For the coldness of the greater part of your children, we will console You, O Lord.
For the contempt of your loving invitation, we will console You, O Lord.
For the infidelity of those who called themselves Your friends, we will console You, O Lord.
For the abuse of Your grace, we will console You, O Lord.
For our own unfaithfulness, we will console You, O Lord.
For the incomprehensible hardness of our hearts, we will console You, O Lord.
For our long delay in loving You, we will console You, O Lord.
For our tepidity in Your holy service, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your bitter sadness at the loss of souls, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your long waiting at the door of our hearts, we will console You, O Lord.
For the heartless scorn that grieves You, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your loving sighs, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your loving tears, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your loving imprisonment, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your loving death, we will console You, O Lord.
Let us pray: O Jesus! Divine Saviour, from whose Heart comes forth this bitter complaint, "I looked for one that would comfort me, and I found none," graciously accept the feeble consolation we offer You, and aid us so powerfully by your grace, that we may, for the time to come, shun more and more all that can displease You, and prove ourselves in everything, and everywhere, and forever Your most faithful and devoted servants. We ask it through Your Sacred Heart, O Lord, who live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit one God, world without end.
Amen.
MINNESOTA PROF PLEDGES TO DESECRATE EUCHARIST
July 10, 2008
Paul Zachary Myers, a professor at the University of Minnesota Morris, has pledged to desecrate the Eucharist. He is responding to what happened recently at the University of Central Florida when a student walked out of Mass with the Host, holding it hostage for several days. Myers was angry at the Catholic League for criticizing the student. His post can be accessed from his faculty page on the university’s website.
Here is an excerpt of his July 8 post, “It’s a Frackin’ Cracker!”:
“Can anyone out there score me some consecrated communion wafers?” Myers continued by saying, “if any of you would be willing to do what it takes to get me some, or even one, and mail it to me, I’ll show you sacrilege, gladly, and with much fanfare. I won’t be tempted to hold it hostage (no, not even if I have a choice between returning the Eucharist and watching Bill Donohue kick the pope in the balls, which would apparently be a more humane act than desecrating a goddamned cracker), but will instead treat it with profound disrespect and heinous cracker abuse, all photographed and presented here on the web.”
Catholic League president Bill Donohue responded as follows:
“The Myers blog can be accessed from the university’s website. The university has a policy statement on this issue which says that the ‘Contents of all electronic pages must be consistent with University of Minnesota policies, local, state and federal laws.’ One of the school’s policies, ‘Code of Conduct,’ says that ‘When dealing with others,’ faculty et al. must be ‘respectful, fair and civil.’ Accordingly, we are contacting the President and the Board of Regents to see what they are going to do about this matter. Because the university is a state institution, we are also contacting the Minnesota legislature.
“It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ. We look to those who have oversight responsibility to act quickly and decisively.”
i just can't believe this.. i don't care about all the politics of this.. what bothers me is what this professor is planning to do to the precious Body and Blood of Christ. i pray this doesn't happen.. it's not "some cracker", it's HIM..
just to think..what our Lord endures at the hands of people that He died to save.. :(
Lord have mercy..
edit: July 12:
Yesterday I was thinking about this professor...and I really hope and pray that if he does manage to get a consecrated Host..that God would work a miracle in his life, and this would be the way he would become a believer. For example, he would be holding the Host in his hands, planning to do all sorts of terrible things to it :( but then realizing that truly God is present there...and bowing down to worship Him instead. And then bringing the Host back to the church and becoming a Catholic. that would be so awesome!
Lord have mercy on this man.. I think he is so lost just to think of doing something like this. At first this article made me really angry...I was mad because of the disrespect Jesus is treated with. And I'm still very sad about this. But then I started thinking how God loves this person and really wants him to know Him..and to believe in the Eucharist too.. so I pray that this would happen, as unlikely as it seems...all things are possible with God.
update: July 16
I just read in a news article that the professor has acquired some consecrated Hosts. I was really hoping that this wouldn't happen.. oh no.. I'm just going to keep on praying. This is so sad :(
update: July 23rd
a pretty good article:
http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4140&Itemid=48
part 2:
http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4140&Itemid=48&limit=1&limitstart=1
I guess all I can do is pray.. pray for this lost man, that maybe he would see what he is doing and turn to the Lord.
And I should offer reparation for these offenses to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.. go to Adoration and console Him for all the pain He endures for humans.
As the article said:
"The thirsty cruelty and cowardice of Myers is manifest in this: Regardless of your views of the deity of Christ, to make oneself into a creature who deliberately desecrates the memory of an innocent Man who died in torments, solely for the purpose of spite, is an utterly pathetic and deeply evil thing"
so very true..
UPDATE: JULY 25th
oh no I just found out that he did it :(
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/07/the_great_desecration.php#comments
reading that..it just made me cry. i'm still crying. Just looking at that picture.. I can't believe he actually did it.
May God bring him to repentance for this most griveous sin..and have mercy on him..
most of all it's just terrible that this man showed SO much hatred and disrespect for our Lord who ..created him, loves him, and died for him.
In the miracle of Lanciano, we found out that the Host is Jesus' heart. Myers pierced Jesus' Heart with a rusty nail. His Heart that is so full of love and mercy for all.
Then he said.. "Nothing must be held sacred. Question everything. God is not great, Jesus is not your lord"
i want to pray for him.. because if he does not repent, he would be shocked to find out the truth someday, but then it would be too late.
here is a great blog post from InsideCatholic: http://insidecatholic.com/Joomla/index.php?option=com_myblog&Itemid=127
quote:
"There can be no doubt that Myers is an enemy of God, and of Christians. He wants to be. But from a Christian point of view, there can also be no doubt that he is a creature of the Most High, Who loves him, and that God's heart would be grieved to lose this self-tortured man to eternity. St. Silouan teaches that we must take care not to do anything that interferes with a man's salvation.
It's plain that the raging of Christians only feeds Myers' hatred. But what would he do if the response to his hideous blasphemy is ... love? What would he do if Catholics and other Christians, and even sympathetic members of other faiths, turned up en masse on his campus simply to pray quietly for him? What kind of witness would that be to the wider culture? How might that make straight the path to salvation for P.Z. Myers, and many who now admire him? Wouldn't that be blessing those who persecute you, as Christ commands us to do?
P.Z. Myers has provided quite a witness for what militant atheism is capable of. Let's provide a counterwitness for what faithful Christianity is capable of. God may work a miracle in that man's life yet (consider the example of Saul). Let's not get in the way of the work of redemption in this lost man's life. As much as we can, let's answer hate with love."
very true..
still, i'm so upset and also angry about this.
I think that it would be a good idea to just..go to an Adoration chapel and spend time with Jesus there.. there's soo much disrespect for the Eucharist in the world. Most don't believe in it.. and some, like this man, are trying to destroy it. It's like..Jesus is freely offering them Himself..as a gift.. and they don't even care. And how often do I too, not care as much as I should. And there is so much hatred for Him in the world, even though He has loved us more than His life. How can this be?? And how much pain this must cause Him! I think that's why we have devotions like Adoration.. so that we can console His Sacred Heart for what He goes through, daily.
Act of Reparation to the Sacred Heart of Jesus
O Jesus, Divine Saviour, deign to cast a look of mercy upon Your children, who assemble in the same spirit of faith, reparation, and love, and come to deplore their own infidelities, and those of all poor sinners, their brethren.
May we touch Your Divine Heart by the unanimous and solemn promises we are about to make and obtain mercy for ourselves, for the world, and for all who are so unhappy as not to love You. We all promise that for the future:
For the forgetfulness and ingratitude of men, we will console You, O Lord.
For the way You are deserted in Your holy tabernacle, we will console You, O Lord.
For the crimes of sinners, we will console You, O Lord.
For the hatred of the impious, we will console You, O Lord.
For the blasphemies uttered against You, we will console You, O Lord.
For the sacrileges that profane Your Sacrament of Love, we will console You, O Lord.
For the outrages against Your divinity, we will console You, O Lord.
For the injuries of which You are the adorable Victim, we will console You, O Lord.
For the coldness of the greater part of your children, we will console You, O Lord.
For the contempt of your loving invitation, we will console You, O Lord.
For the infidelity of those who called themselves Your friends, we will console You, O Lord.
For the abuse of Your grace, we will console You, O Lord.
For our own unfaithfulness, we will console You, O Lord.
For the incomprehensible hardness of our hearts, we will console You, O Lord.
For our long delay in loving You, we will console You, O Lord.
For our tepidity in Your holy service, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your bitter sadness at the loss of souls, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your long waiting at the door of our hearts, we will console You, O Lord.
For the heartless scorn that grieves You, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your loving sighs, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your loving tears, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your loving imprisonment, we will console You, O Lord.
For Your loving death, we will console You, O Lord.
Let us pray: O Jesus! Divine Saviour, from whose Heart comes forth this bitter complaint, "I looked for one that would comfort me, and I found none," graciously accept the feeble consolation we offer You, and aid us so powerfully by your grace, that we may, for the time to come, shun more and more all that can displease You, and prove ourselves in everything, and everywhere, and forever Your most faithful and devoted servants. We ask it through Your Sacred Heart, O Lord, who live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit one God, world without end.
Amen.
2008/07/08
my little miracle :)
wow..something cool happened today.. to start the story, i went to the dentist for a checkup. lol that's not the cool part, i don't think anyone enjoys going to the dentist and having someone look at their teeth from all angles with all sorts of metal instruments ;) but... recently, i've been reading the autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux, called "Story of a Soul". i also saw a movie about her life..called "Therese"...i liked the movie :)
ever since i started reading the book, i really liked St. Therese right from the beginning. i love her "way of spiritual childhood", and her humility and love for Jesus...she's a great example of a Christian who really tried to serve the Lord in all she did, and a great example for us.
i was researching online and came across a novena to St. Therese. to be honest all this stuff is REALLY new to me. asking the Saints and Mary for prayer...i just never did any of these things before!! lol i remember the first time i said the Rosary, - i went and bought a rosary at "the Bible society", to use for the divine mercy chaplet - this was in the winter - i was soo nervous... i was worried that i am offending God by talking to Mary and wondered if she could even hear me. i mean i read tons of apologetics on the communion of saints and how people in heaven aren't dead, but alive, and we're all one in Christ..but i was still soo unsure. but when i said the prayer, i felt that both Jesus and Mary were listening to me together, and i felt such a profound sense of peace. complete utter peace. and ever since then, i've loved Mary and i consider her my Mother in heaven. i know now that when we honour her, we are honouring Her Son, and not worshipping her.
anyway.. but although i'm fine with Mary now, i still had my doubts about the Saints. saying a novena to St. Therese...was just TOO NEW... but for some reason, i wrote it down in my journal, thinking that maybe if i'm ever brave i'll ask for her intercession, regarding something i really need help on. i mean..."the prayer of a righteous man avails much" ;) and she's united with God, totally free from sin!! :) i ask my Christian friends for prayer, why not my brothers and sisters in heaven? the Holy Spirit unites us all together, and it's by the Spirit that they can hear us.. and they WANT to pray for us, because they see in how much darkness we're living in, and they want us to persevere and get to heaven too! they know what it's like! they're filled with God's love and demonstrate this love by helping us, and in this way, glorify God. lol well that's the explanation for all this...
on the website, people could leave replies and testimonies about St. Therese. many, many of them said that after they said the novena, they saw a rose, or in some cases, many roses. Some people smelled roses - even when none were around. In fact these sorts of experiences is what contributed to her canonization. before she died, she said that she'll spend her heaven doing good on earth, and that after her death she'll send out a "shower of roses" because of her intercession. (this is symbolic for graces) oki to be honest i was REALLY unsure about this. i thought..maybe it's just coincidence...no doubt if we looked for roses we'd see them all around!! but i was interested...
so..one morning..i got up, checked the time on my cell phone, which was on this little table where I keep my rosary, Bible, and the Sacred Heart picture i got at a catholic bookstore.. (i call it my "prayer corner")...brushed my hair, came back to my room, and kneeling beside my "prayer corner", said 5 Our Fathers, 5 Hail Marys, 5 Glory Be's, and this:
"st Therese, the little flower, pick me a rose from the heavenly garden and send it to me with a message of love. ask God to grant the favor i implore and tell Him i will love Him each day more and more Amen"
lol :)
i waited..nothing happened.. thought, oki, well i really hope she prays for me cause i need prayer so badly!! and then..i looked up at my prayer corner and saw a vase full of ROSES!!!
i can't explain how surprised i was. i was like..THANK YOU st therese...cause i knew she heard, and is praying for me. the cool part...i didn't see these flowers on my table the other 4 times i looked right at it!!! WHY? i dunno... i guess God prevented me from seeing them, lol... but i know they were there the whole time, because my mom put the vase there that morning. (i obviously didn't know). the roses came from our backyard. she doesn't normally do this, and when i asked her, she said - she just felt like doing it for some reason, lol. :)
well, today i decided i'd continue the 5 day novena and i said it again, in the car, because i had no time to pray at home...had to get ready for the dentist. well..i finished it right when i walked in the door of the office, and when i sat down in one of the chairs, i looked at a little table and saw - this is hilarious - a kleenex box (LOLL) with a picture of roses..and on it, it said "la petite rose". haha. oki i don't know much french but i know what "petite" means. the little rose..little flower! St. Therese Little Flower :) and in french too LOL - she was French. i just started laughing.
thank you St. Therese for praying for me..
I hope God will answer both of our prayers. I really need His help on something.
update:
St Therese sent me flowers several more times when i asked her for prayer :) other times, i guess God wanted me to rely on faith.
one day i was praying before Mass and said the novena again.. and then, right when i finished!! i saw a little girl enter the pew in front of me, wearing a long dress on which were drawn..lots of big red roses! :)
another time, at Notre Dame.. when i saw her statue with the flowers..
and the last time was only several days ago.. i came in for my appointment with the priest, and decided to pray a bit beforehand.. so i went into the church, knelt before the Eucharist and started praying. i asked St Therese to pray for me.. but i didn't expect any sign, and i felt fairly sure there weren't any roses in the church cause the altar was decorated with these other red flowers all summer.. but then i looked up, and saw pink roses :) or at least flowers that look A LOT like roses.
i know she is praying for me and i'm so thankful..
ever since i started reading the book, i really liked St. Therese right from the beginning. i love her "way of spiritual childhood", and her humility and love for Jesus...she's a great example of a Christian who really tried to serve the Lord in all she did, and a great example for us.
i was researching online and came across a novena to St. Therese. to be honest all this stuff is REALLY new to me. asking the Saints and Mary for prayer...i just never did any of these things before!! lol i remember the first time i said the Rosary, - i went and bought a rosary at "the Bible society", to use for the divine mercy chaplet - this was in the winter - i was soo nervous... i was worried that i am offending God by talking to Mary and wondered if she could even hear me. i mean i read tons of apologetics on the communion of saints and how people in heaven aren't dead, but alive, and we're all one in Christ..but i was still soo unsure. but when i said the prayer, i felt that both Jesus and Mary were listening to me together, and i felt such a profound sense of peace. complete utter peace. and ever since then, i've loved Mary and i consider her my Mother in heaven. i know now that when we honour her, we are honouring Her Son, and not worshipping her.
anyway.. but although i'm fine with Mary now, i still had my doubts about the Saints. saying a novena to St. Therese...was just TOO NEW... but for some reason, i wrote it down in my journal, thinking that maybe if i'm ever brave i'll ask for her intercession, regarding something i really need help on. i mean..."the prayer of a righteous man avails much" ;) and she's united with God, totally free from sin!! :) i ask my Christian friends for prayer, why not my brothers and sisters in heaven? the Holy Spirit unites us all together, and it's by the Spirit that they can hear us.. and they WANT to pray for us, because they see in how much darkness we're living in, and they want us to persevere and get to heaven too! they know what it's like! they're filled with God's love and demonstrate this love by helping us, and in this way, glorify God. lol well that's the explanation for all this...
on the website, people could leave replies and testimonies about St. Therese. many, many of them said that after they said the novena, they saw a rose, or in some cases, many roses. Some people smelled roses - even when none were around. In fact these sorts of experiences is what contributed to her canonization. before she died, she said that she'll spend her heaven doing good on earth, and that after her death she'll send out a "shower of roses" because of her intercession. (this is symbolic for graces) oki to be honest i was REALLY unsure about this. i thought..maybe it's just coincidence...no doubt if we looked for roses we'd see them all around!! but i was interested...
so..one morning..i got up, checked the time on my cell phone, which was on this little table where I keep my rosary, Bible, and the Sacred Heart picture i got at a catholic bookstore.. (i call it my "prayer corner")...brushed my hair, came back to my room, and kneeling beside my "prayer corner", said 5 Our Fathers, 5 Hail Marys, 5 Glory Be's, and this:
"st Therese, the little flower, pick me a rose from the heavenly garden and send it to me with a message of love. ask God to grant the favor i implore and tell Him i will love Him each day more and more Amen"
lol :)
i waited..nothing happened.. thought, oki, well i really hope she prays for me cause i need prayer so badly!! and then..i looked up at my prayer corner and saw a vase full of ROSES!!!
i can't explain how surprised i was. i was like..THANK YOU st therese...cause i knew she heard, and is praying for me. the cool part...i didn't see these flowers on my table the other 4 times i looked right at it!!! WHY? i dunno... i guess God prevented me from seeing them, lol... but i know they were there the whole time, because my mom put the vase there that morning. (i obviously didn't know). the roses came from our backyard. she doesn't normally do this, and when i asked her, she said - she just felt like doing it for some reason, lol. :)
well, today i decided i'd continue the 5 day novena and i said it again, in the car, because i had no time to pray at home...had to get ready for the dentist. well..i finished it right when i walked in the door of the office, and when i sat down in one of the chairs, i looked at a little table and saw - this is hilarious - a kleenex box (LOLL) with a picture of roses..and on it, it said "la petite rose". haha. oki i don't know much french but i know what "petite" means. the little rose..little flower! St. Therese Little Flower :) and in french too LOL - she was French. i just started laughing.
thank you St. Therese for praying for me..
I hope God will answer both of our prayers. I really need His help on something.
update:
St Therese sent me flowers several more times when i asked her for prayer :) other times, i guess God wanted me to rely on faith.
one day i was praying before Mass and said the novena again.. and then, right when i finished!! i saw a little girl enter the pew in front of me, wearing a long dress on which were drawn..lots of big red roses! :)
another time, at Notre Dame.. when i saw her statue with the flowers..
and the last time was only several days ago.. i came in for my appointment with the priest, and decided to pray a bit beforehand.. so i went into the church, knelt before the Eucharist and started praying. i asked St Therese to pray for me.. but i didn't expect any sign, and i felt fairly sure there weren't any roses in the church cause the altar was decorated with these other red flowers all summer.. but then i looked up, and saw pink roses :) or at least flowers that look A LOT like roses.
i know she is praying for me and i'm so thankful..
2008/07/06
and..this morning
:) update from "last night". wow i guess God really heard my prayers!!
this morning..i had to wake up real early for Mass. i sure didn't want to !! i was soo sleepy. somehow i got up anyway. went to Mass... and..SO glad i did!
i went to st paul's..again. came in, got on my kneeler..started praying before the service. i didn't even know what to say! just kept on repeating the same sort of thing, over and over.
then i opened the Missal, found "June 6th", and read today's Gospel reading:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
i took that as a sign! cause..that's EXACTLY what i needed to hear. COME TO ME.. i looked at the Tabernacle, - oki Jesus i want to come to You but i'll need some help! i felt so tired spiritually. but when we got to the second Scripture reading, i felt soo much better. when Matt. 11:28-30 was read out loud, i felt like Jesus was saying the words to me. one of the psalms we sang..i can't remember the words now.. it was so beautiful. i had tears in my eyes the whole time. the homily was about this too...about finding real peace in God..
then...the Liturgy of the Eucharist!! my favourite moment of Mass :) when we sang..
Holy holy holy Lord
God of power and might
Heaven and Earth are full of your glory
Hosanna in the highest
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna in the highest
i thought..we're participating in HEAVENLY worship!! we're praising God together with all the angels and saints of heaven...the Eucharist makes us all ONE in Christ..we're all kneeling together, before "the Lamb who was slain".. this is TIMELESS. wow. during the consecration..we are at Calvary..before the one and eternal sacrifice, made present before us...
and then the priest lifted the Host and the Cup ..and the Holy Spirit transformed the bread and wine into the risen, life giving Flesh and Blood of our Savior. "happy are those called to the Lamb's supper".
i couldn't receive, of course.. :( not yet.. but when the priest blessed me, i once more felt grace enter my soul. as if i HAVE received Christ, spiritually. even though i completely forgot to say the Spiritul Communion prayer today. i wonder if priests realize this..what their blessings can do.
and after Mass, i felt so much PEACE. finally!!
but the story doesn't stop here.. at church, i got the "Catholic Register" newspaper.. as i usually do. and on one of the pages, there was a quote by St. Therese of Lisieux (one of my favourite Saints..ever..)
"my strength lies in prayer and sacrifice; they are invincible weapons, and touch hearts more surely than words can do, as I have learned by experience" (St. Therese)
AMEN.. at that moment, when i read that, i realized something. all last night i was worrying about my words. that when i share my faith, it only annoys people. and this morning, i realized..that it's soo important to pray for the people i'm sharing with, and to truly love them, to forgive them.. and the value of sacrifice.. and God takes all this and uses it.
Another thing i realized is:
"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect"
1 Peter 3:15
how gentle have i been, really, when questioned about my faith? when people criticized what i said, did i show that i was annoyed, or did i respond with kindness and patience?? it's easy to look at the flaws of others, especially when they said or did something that hurt you, but it's hard to then look at oneself and say...maybe i provoked their words.. maybe i should have spoken differently myself.
i hope i remember..
this morning..i had to wake up real early for Mass. i sure didn't want to !! i was soo sleepy. somehow i got up anyway. went to Mass... and..SO glad i did!
i went to st paul's..again. came in, got on my kneeler..started praying before the service. i didn't even know what to say! just kept on repeating the same sort of thing, over and over.
then i opened the Missal, found "June 6th", and read today's Gospel reading:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
i took that as a sign! cause..that's EXACTLY what i needed to hear. COME TO ME.. i looked at the Tabernacle, - oki Jesus i want to come to You but i'll need some help! i felt so tired spiritually. but when we got to the second Scripture reading, i felt soo much better. when Matt. 11:28-30 was read out loud, i felt like Jesus was saying the words to me. one of the psalms we sang..i can't remember the words now.. it was so beautiful. i had tears in my eyes the whole time. the homily was about this too...about finding real peace in God..
then...the Liturgy of the Eucharist!! my favourite moment of Mass :) when we sang..
Holy holy holy Lord
God of power and might
Heaven and Earth are full of your glory
Hosanna in the highest
Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna in the highest
i thought..we're participating in HEAVENLY worship!! we're praising God together with all the angels and saints of heaven...the Eucharist makes us all ONE in Christ..we're all kneeling together, before "the Lamb who was slain".. this is TIMELESS. wow. during the consecration..we are at Calvary..before the one and eternal sacrifice, made present before us...
and then the priest lifted the Host and the Cup ..and the Holy Spirit transformed the bread and wine into the risen, life giving Flesh and Blood of our Savior. "happy are those called to the Lamb's supper".
i couldn't receive, of course.. :( not yet.. but when the priest blessed me, i once more felt grace enter my soul. as if i HAVE received Christ, spiritually. even though i completely forgot to say the Spiritul Communion prayer today. i wonder if priests realize this..what their blessings can do.
and after Mass, i felt so much PEACE. finally!!
but the story doesn't stop here.. at church, i got the "Catholic Register" newspaper.. as i usually do. and on one of the pages, there was a quote by St. Therese of Lisieux (one of my favourite Saints..ever..)
"my strength lies in prayer and sacrifice; they are invincible weapons, and touch hearts more surely than words can do, as I have learned by experience" (St. Therese)
AMEN.. at that moment, when i read that, i realized something. all last night i was worrying about my words. that when i share my faith, it only annoys people. and this morning, i realized..that it's soo important to pray for the people i'm sharing with, and to truly love them, to forgive them.. and the value of sacrifice.. and God takes all this and uses it.
Another thing i realized is:
"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect"
1 Peter 3:15
how gentle have i been, really, when questioned about my faith? when people criticized what i said, did i show that i was annoyed, or did i respond with kindness and patience?? it's easy to look at the flaws of others, especially when they said or did something that hurt you, but it's hard to then look at oneself and say...maybe i provoked their words.. maybe i should have spoken differently myself.
i hope i remember..
last night.
this is something i scribbled on a piece of paper, last night at 1 am, while eating chocolate chip cookies. :s lol
"what do you do when the one thing in the whole world you love the most, makes you crazy in the eyes of others.
when people really close to you feel disappointed in you, because of how you feel about God..
when they feel genuinely concerned for your well being when you talk about Him, because they think your approach to faith is unhealthy and unnatural, though you know it is not...and the only reason you talked to them about this at all, is to encourage them, but in the end failed terribly.
what do you do when you trusted someone and showed them your heart, made yourself vulnerable for their sake, only to be hurt in the end..
when you feel so misunderstood, and can't possibly answer all the accusations against you.
well i guess all you can do is forgive, and hope against hope in God, that He would somehow use even this...that He would use the words you have said, even though they caused more harm than good, despite your intentions.
Lord i still trust in You...regardless..
"O my Jesus, because of my trust in You, i weave thousands of garlands, and i know that they will all blossom. and i know that they will all blossom when God's sun will shine on them" (St. Faustina)
and even though from now on i must stay silent, i will not stop praying. it is all in Your hands now.
i have failed so miserably. well at least God can use this failure to humble me; i hope He does. sometimes...i wish that i didn't care so much..but.. we must always forgive and love, even if this hurts us, because this is how God has loved us.
still, at this moment, i'm in a lot of pain. i wish i was stronger, i wish i was more able to look beyond myself, that i could feel others' pain more deeply than my own. i guess the words just cut too deep.
whenever people criticize and mock how i feel about God, it really hurts me. i'd rather they criticized something else about me. i don't think they realize what their words do, and i don't want to just blame them, cause i'm not perfect myself.. (oki i'm a huge sinner)
i hope that God heals me of this. but i've heard so much over the years from various people. it's tough when it's from your family and friends, people you trusted to understand you, people who you believe love you.. maybe i'm just too sensitive!!
my only consolation is that Jesus accepts and understands my faith. maybe He's the only one who does. i know that He understands everything about me. who else can know a soul so perfectly, except the one who made it.
Lord if i could see You now...i'd tell you that You are my everything. i'd say.. Jesus, i am so small and unworthy, i am a sinner and i'm so broken and messed up inside.. i don't live out my faith as i should, i don't love You as You deserve, and today i've failed You yet again. please, please forgive me..
but even with all this, i still trust in Your mercy..
You see, i don't have anything much to offer You, except myself.. my heart beats only for You so i want You to have it. please help me love You above all things.. to count the world as loss when compared to You.. i repeat the prayer from "the imitation": 'O Jesus, unspeakable sweetness, turn earthly consolations into bitterness for me'. help me no longer care about my own will. i only want to love You, each day more and more. i am empty handed but do not turn me away, i need You so much. i don't want anything else, i only want to be with You, and i'd take the lowest place in heaven to all the riches of this earth, as long as i can see You from there. and yet even as i say this, i know how weak i am and how attached i am to the things of this world.. have mercy on me..'
but Jesus what would Your words be to me??
would you say what people say..that i'm a "fanatic", that my approach is all wrong, that i have some sort of "religious addiction"? would You tell me that You'd rather see me enjoy this world more and spend less time thinking of heaven.. but Lord YOU are my heaven, and i would always long for You. would You say that i shouldn't speak like this, because my faith isn't real, but just a "drug".. this is what people have told me. would You turn me away? but Lord You didn't turn away that woman..who came to pour her expensive perfume on Your feet..she was crying, and she wiped your feet with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. and others criticized her, because she was a sinner, and because the perfume could have been used to help the poor.. but Jesus You accepted her, and her worship, and forgave her all the sins.. and You said, she loves much because she was forgiven of much.
sometimes i feel like this woman.. especially how she was critized for her worship. like i was today. but Lord You know how much You have forgiven me.. SOO much. thank You!!! so even though i'm sinful.. with trust i approach Your throne..
because i know that You will understand my words and my heart, and despite my numerous sins, You will look at me with so much love. i know that Your mercy is endless. i hope that You will then take me in Your arms and never let go. maybe i am hoping for too much.. but i can not help it. You have loved me first, my only response is to love You back."
"what do you do when the one thing in the whole world you love the most, makes you crazy in the eyes of others.
when people really close to you feel disappointed in you, because of how you feel about God..
when they feel genuinely concerned for your well being when you talk about Him, because they think your approach to faith is unhealthy and unnatural, though you know it is not...and the only reason you talked to them about this at all, is to encourage them, but in the end failed terribly.
what do you do when you trusted someone and showed them your heart, made yourself vulnerable for their sake, only to be hurt in the end..
when you feel so misunderstood, and can't possibly answer all the accusations against you.
well i guess all you can do is forgive, and hope against hope in God, that He would somehow use even this...that He would use the words you have said, even though they caused more harm than good, despite your intentions.
Lord i still trust in You...regardless..
"O my Jesus, because of my trust in You, i weave thousands of garlands, and i know that they will all blossom. and i know that they will all blossom when God's sun will shine on them" (St. Faustina)
and even though from now on i must stay silent, i will not stop praying. it is all in Your hands now.
i have failed so miserably. well at least God can use this failure to humble me; i hope He does. sometimes...i wish that i didn't care so much..but.. we must always forgive and love, even if this hurts us, because this is how God has loved us.
still, at this moment, i'm in a lot of pain. i wish i was stronger, i wish i was more able to look beyond myself, that i could feel others' pain more deeply than my own. i guess the words just cut too deep.
whenever people criticize and mock how i feel about God, it really hurts me. i'd rather they criticized something else about me. i don't think they realize what their words do, and i don't want to just blame them, cause i'm not perfect myself.. (oki i'm a huge sinner)
i hope that God heals me of this. but i've heard so much over the years from various people. it's tough when it's from your family and friends, people you trusted to understand you, people who you believe love you.. maybe i'm just too sensitive!!
my only consolation is that Jesus accepts and understands my faith. maybe He's the only one who does. i know that He understands everything about me. who else can know a soul so perfectly, except the one who made it.
Lord if i could see You now...i'd tell you that You are my everything. i'd say.. Jesus, i am so small and unworthy, i am a sinner and i'm so broken and messed up inside.. i don't live out my faith as i should, i don't love You as You deserve, and today i've failed You yet again. please, please forgive me..
but even with all this, i still trust in Your mercy..
You see, i don't have anything much to offer You, except myself.. my heart beats only for You so i want You to have it. please help me love You above all things.. to count the world as loss when compared to You.. i repeat the prayer from "the imitation": 'O Jesus, unspeakable sweetness, turn earthly consolations into bitterness for me'. help me no longer care about my own will. i only want to love You, each day more and more. i am empty handed but do not turn me away, i need You so much. i don't want anything else, i only want to be with You, and i'd take the lowest place in heaven to all the riches of this earth, as long as i can see You from there. and yet even as i say this, i know how weak i am and how attached i am to the things of this world.. have mercy on me..'
but Jesus what would Your words be to me??
would you say what people say..that i'm a "fanatic", that my approach is all wrong, that i have some sort of "religious addiction"? would You tell me that You'd rather see me enjoy this world more and spend less time thinking of heaven.. but Lord YOU are my heaven, and i would always long for You. would You say that i shouldn't speak like this, because my faith isn't real, but just a "drug".. this is what people have told me. would You turn me away? but Lord You didn't turn away that woman..who came to pour her expensive perfume on Your feet..she was crying, and she wiped your feet with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. and others criticized her, because she was a sinner, and because the perfume could have been used to help the poor.. but Jesus You accepted her, and her worship, and forgave her all the sins.. and You said, she loves much because she was forgiven of much.
sometimes i feel like this woman.. especially how she was critized for her worship. like i was today. but Lord You know how much You have forgiven me.. SOO much. thank You!!! so even though i'm sinful.. with trust i approach Your throne..
because i know that You will understand my words and my heart, and despite my numerous sins, You will look at me with so much love. i know that Your mercy is endless. i hope that You will then take me in Your arms and never let go. maybe i am hoping for too much.. but i can not help it. You have loved me first, my only response is to love You back."
one more reason why I love Mass!
i noticed something pretty cool lately...that the Scripture readings during Mass often fit exactly what I'm dealing with. i think this is something that God has been showing me lately. it's really interesting, because - the readings are pre-planned...they're according to the liturgical year, in the missal.
last night...I felt I had wayyy too many worries and burdens. Today during Mass, the Gospel reading was:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
the day I was doubting my conversion to the Catholic church...the Scripture was about Peter and the 'keys'. (so perfect!)
the day our car hit a little bird and it fell to the ground :( (I felt pretty sad about that) AND the morning I felt like I was totally abandoned by God:
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. "
:) praise God! i could barely wake up this morning, but now i'm soo glad i went to Mass.
last night...I felt I had wayyy too many worries and burdens. Today during Mass, the Gospel reading was:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
the day I was doubting my conversion to the Catholic church...the Scripture was about Peter and the 'keys'. (so perfect!)
the day our car hit a little bird and it fell to the ground :( (I felt pretty sad about that) AND the morning I felt like I was totally abandoned by God:
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. 30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. "
:) praise God! i could barely wake up this morning, but now i'm soo glad i went to Mass.
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